I truly do want to be free of my addiction to prescription ADHD pills! I know this is my true desire because I don’t just feel regret anymore! Now what I feel most is resentment towards myself! I don’t know a lot about a lot but I do know that when someone starts hating them self there’s a major problem but I have no clue how to stop betraying myself!
So I guess my question is how do I remember this feeling of self resentment I’m feeling now that I’m coming down before I go get drugs the next time? Because it’s not like I actually forgot. In the way to go get my score I try talking myself out of it I try not to pick up the phone and send the text but its like I stop telling myself no for just a second and that’s when “my body” starts seeking drugs and my brain doesn’t catch on until I’m in the car on the way to pick up! Or like Im turning my conscience off for a moment so I can score some drugs and I turn it back on as soon as I know I’m going to get high again! Can someone please offer their advice anything will help (unless I really am just a lost cause) I literally don’t know what to do but I’m determined to figure it out! This will be the last time I find myself here and this is the last time I will have said those words!
Welcome @Dfeddy92!
Have you tried seeking help? This forum has been great for support but I needed more. The addict in me would never consider coming here before using. Once my mind was made up, I went into auto pilot. I found that help in an intensive outpatient program. It gave me the foundation I needed to start working on the deep seated issues.
So I haven’t been to any meetings or support groups just because a lot of programs aren’t just about quitting a specific addiction, they’re mostly all about complete sobriety but I only have a problem with prescription amphetamines! I have been trying to find a good church with lots of community and volunteer work because I use out of boredom and loneliness most of the time so for me I feel all I really need is God and more solid friends! Thank you for reaching out it’s comforting knowing other people have overcome their addiction even though you’ve felt hopeless, just like I’ve been feeling! Sometimes it’s easy to think you have it worse than everyone else so it’s comforting to know my struggles aren’t unique and they can be overcome!
Well I got high again after being sober for a month so I’d say I’m doing pretty lousy at the moment but I am just focusing on the fact that I am making progress! Before I didn’t want to limit my usage! I had no desire, no reason, to quit using! But now I try to ignore the plug for as long as I can before I respond and when I do I always get the same amount to show myself I can have control over this drug I just have to focus on that instead of the drugs