I’ve been sober for 78 days, but I’m feeling very alone

Emotional Support
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But I’m feeling very alone… I’m estranged from all of my old friends, thanks to my addiction (I’m addicted to opiates). Some of them seemed happy that I essentially “failed” in life. And when I was at my lowest, I tried to reach out for support… and I had one friend reveal my addiction to my abusive family, while another just gave me an angry lecture about how I shouldn’t do drugs (I already desperately wanted to stop, but obviously I was struggling. I can’t say I blame them, and I know I fucked up deeply, I just wish I had a little bit of support & that I wasn’t left to do this completely alone.)

I’ve distanced myself from the friends that I used to use heroin with, because I obviously can’t possibly be around them without wanting to use again. And while they understand, it’s just made me completely isolated.

I’ve finally reached a point where I’m no longer impulsively texting my dealer whenever I get a craving, which doesn’t seem like much, but it’s a big deal for me. I try to let those feelings pass & fight to stay clean. But I’m still absolutely miserable and alone being sober.

I have a few people that I’ve been slowly making friends with — people I’ve met through meetings & volunteer work. But not really anyone I’m very close with, or who I feel I can really talk to deeply about how I’m feeling. I hate dumping all of my trauma & bad feelings onto anyone — I’ll just feel like I’m bringing people down. But I’ve been really struggling the past few weeks.

I’m an introvert & very socially anxious on top of that, so it’s been hard to meet people. And when I do, I never feel like I can really get close to them.

As far as dealing with this depression, I have made a therapy appointment, but I had to wait 3 months for an available date (so I do thankfully have one coming up on the 17th). but tonight I’m feeling pretty rough, & I have no one to talk to.

I’m sorry this is so long, & Im sorry I’m dumping all of this on everyone here, but I really didn’t know where else to turn.

I’m just feeling very dark & completely alone & I have no idea what to do — I absolutely don’t want to use again, I don’t want to solve this that way. I want to get through this, but I’m miserable sober right now & I don’t know how to fix my life when I’m too depressed get out of the house (or sometimes even my bed) most days. I just really needed to get this off my chest somewhere, and I had no idea where else to turn.

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Hi CD! Welcome to TS! First of all congratulations on your current sober time! Secondly there is no need to apologize for a long ramble, that’s what this place is for! You’re no longer alone, there is always someone around in this group that is willing to chat and give some advice.

My DOC is alcohol, I’m a little over 4 months AF, and I feel you when it comes to loneliness. I lost my closes friends when I finally quit (after 5 years of trying). Yes, it can get very lonely, but trust me… the longer you are sober, the better and easier it will get. You mentioned you are starting to make some new friends, which is great news. Just let things come, try to focus on yourself and take care of your sobriety like a weak little baby. Give yourself a treat every once in a while (eat a huge piece of cake, take a bath, go for a walk, read a good book, start working out)

I would read a lot on this forum, I am on here every day since 6 months, even though I don’t post every day. You’ll find tons of advice and nice people! There are also some “fun” conversations like a meme thread, where you can just read through and have a good laugh!

Hang in there! :muscle:t2:

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@Youwantpoachedeggs

First of all, I just have to say that I’m so glad you decided to share this tonight. It’s not too long at all and what you’re expressing are very real and very common experiences amongst us.
Sharing takes courage and that courage can be the thing that inspires someone else, who isn’t quite ready, to engage with other addicts.
I can honestly say to you that reading your post helped me with my sobriety. It helped me put myself in your shoes for a minute and, in order to do that, I had to use a little empathy.

Empathy does not come easily to a judgemental, self centered, self seeking, arrogant, angry alcoholic like myself. I actually have to practice it as a meditation and strengthen it like a muscle by using it over time. So, guess what? Tonight you helped me do that.

None of us have to do this alone and all of us can benefit from sharing our experience and listening to others. I would invite you to remember that the next time you’re brain tries to tell you something like this :point_down:

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Always happy to listen.:purple_heart: Sounds like u are going through some big changes, and it is bumpy atm. Meetings and volunteering sound great! Especially people from meetings, if u open up a little to them, they will be more likely to open up too, and the two of u will get closer. I am happy when someone trusts me to open up, and usually I’m quite guarded, but it helps me open up too.

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I’m so glad you posted this! Please don’t ever apologize for opening up here, as we all understand the loneliness that comes with getting sober. And as @MrCade said above, your sharing this helps many of us stay sober too. I’m glad you are going to meetings. I found my sober tribe at local AA meetings, and we do many things outside of meetings together. It does take time. I also want you to know that I think you are such a strong person for getting off opiates and staying sober for 70+ days. That is amazing. Please keep coming back to TS. Loneliness can be overwhelming at times, but those feelings can pass.

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Please ramble on. One great thing is when I read someone else’s struggle, i feel less alone in this fight. Sometimes I find answers to my own questions in someone else’s share. You are not alone here. I’m 54 days AF. It’s a daily struggle as I don’t have support from my family during the day and I’m alone so I talk to the dog all day long and keep myself busy and in emergencies I come on here for immediate support. You’ll find your way through this and you’ll be clear headed to do so. Keep going.

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