I hate feeling empowered to change and then feeling defeated to drink by night. Any tips?
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That’s a horrible nightmare of a merry go round that I and many others are all too familiar with.
For me the first step was deciding to step off the ride.
You’ll have to consciously ignore that feel good voice that takes over your mind come evening time and make the decision not to drink.
It’ll be work to make it habit forming at first, but there are communities and recourses that can help you. 
I think my tip would be to take action.
It helps me tremendously to watch videos on people talking about sobriety and the path of destruction that led them there.
I wish more people could experience the power and magic of sobriety.
Checking in on this Talking Sober app helps me.
I hope we get to see you around. 
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The first few days your only goal is to put a sober head on your pillow. If that means your head hits the pillow as soon as your obligations for the day are done, do that.
Dump any alcohol you have in your house.
Drive or commute a different way home so you don’t pass the places you buy alcohol.
Have your groceries delivered for a while if passing alcohol in stores is hard.
Sober head on a pillow is the goal and then you’ve made it one day. Use that momentum to get you to the next day.
Never crave alone. Tonight if it gets hard come back on here and tell people you are wanting to drink before you drink. We’ll remind you why you shouldn’t and help steer you toward some sober tools you can use.
Most importantly, keep trying until you get it.
I felt hopelessly stuck as a drinker and now have 2 1/2 years without alcohol in my life and that is a serious relief.
You’ve got this.
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Welcome to the community Marc. This is a wonderful place to be a part of. A lot of great support and love here.
The cycle of wanting a sober life and giving into the addiction hours later is a hard one - especially mentally. We know the struggle all to well. For me personally I had to do a few things to break the cycle -
- remove all booze from the house
- change up my routes so I didn’t go by the liquor stores and went to coop for grocery shopping so that i wouldn’t be in grocery stores with alcohol (when not possible then i would leave my license in the car so that I wouldn’t have it when carded)
- found ways to keep myself busy with mind and hands (like puzzles, working out, walking, cooking, baking, drawing …etc).
The first days are the worst. Hanging here is very helpful - reading the threads and connecting with the members. Maybe also try recovery groups as they can be in real life support.
Just take it one moment at a time and push through when the cravings hit in the evening. It does get easier 
Hope to see you around!
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I heard an interesting quote from an AA speaker tape tonight;
Intentions are followed by more intentions. Decisions are followed by action.
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My husband and I would refer to this as Morning Vanessa and Night Vanessa. Morning Vanessa was wise, often fueled by a hangover. Night Vanessa who wasn’t feeling as sick anymore, let the alcoholic voice win.
What worked for me was really coming to terms with the fact that I’m addicted to alcohol. Then doing everything in my power to not pick up the first drink. Taking it one day at a time. Don’t drink tonight.
My motivation was that I wanted to be alive for my kids and future grandkids.
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Hi @Vanessa8 and @Igotkidstolivefor . I know exactly the feeling and I was in the same position. It is true that will power erodes during the day as we make choices. It’s kind of a muscle: the more you exercise restrain during the day, the more tired it gets. But equally like a muscle, it gets trained with time, the more your exercise it.
So there are several courses of action:
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As said wisely by our friends here: remove the booze from the house and go to bed early so you don’t have choices to make about drinking.
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Get automation in place at night. Automation is nice because it’s something you have to do no matter what and it’s not a choice in the end. For me it is: always set the table for tomorrow, get the kitchen clean and in order to start a fresh day next time I wake up.
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The hardest one is the “I deserve”. I see many people getting a drink in the end of the day because they had a good day or a bad day and so they deserve a drink. You don’t. We don’t. We need to get rid of that idea that we deserve anything. It’s actually a childhood mechanism: being rewarded or cuddled because something we did. We don’t “deserve” anything. The only thing we get, we take by the results of our action and choice.
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Maybe try ameeting lots of recovery programs out there with like minded people who have been were you are now wish you well
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Hi. It’s worth trying a recovery meeting. Maybe find one around the time u usually have a drink and see if it can get u through the first steps
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Hey Marc
How are you doing friend?
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I’m doing just OK. Not totally sober yet. I am not religious so AA is out of the question. My higher power is my kids. I take care of them but have not been able to not drink. Yes, it’s small amounts. Yes, it’s not specifically impacting me now. It has before. I was in trouble with law enforcement doing work from release back in 2018. I need to quit and urn to quit. It’s that 6 to 8 pm demon on my back. I’m ashamed.
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I can understand that AA is not for everyone. Maybe look into other recovery groups like SMART recovery or Recovery Dharma? This place is also very helpful. For me, I spent practically all day/ night here at the beginning to help me through the urges. You just have to make a decision and hold fast to it. It will most definitely be HARD and you will want to just give in and try again tomorrow but that is when you reach out here and read the threads / ask for help / chat with the members … do whatever you can to keep your mind off the urges and push through. One moment at a time.
Don’t let the shame or guilt eat at you and keep you from trying. We have all been in the cycle you are in and know the demons you are working with. Just sending you strength and love!
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I see, myself in your share.
And your share helped me to realize, that I really do need this community! Everyone, I have came across so far has been so supportive.
I’m still trying to get my sober legs under me. So, I have no really advice to give. I can say this has been helpful and I can give you encouragement!!! Keep trying!! I know it is going to be worth it!! I know it will!!!
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Nice share jazzy .we have to put as much effort and work into our recovery as we do in our effort s of picking up to get our one day down 
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How’s it going, Marc?
Your last post seemed a bit muddled - on the one hand saying what you would not do in pursuit of sobriety, on the other hand saying you are not able to stay sober. On the one hand claiming you kids for your higher power (and lots of people do, no knocks on that), on the other hand letting us know they are not enough. An insufficient higher power? That is what I was to myself before I got sober.
I could declare myself ready to get sober, but no-one believed me. I did put limitations on what I would do to get sober, and that did not work. I was able to get sober and stay sober when I started doing what other people suggested, particularly the people in AA. I also used Antabuse for the first month or two of my sobriety, to help me achieve the physical separation from alcohol. I was held accountable for staying sober, I went to individual alcohol counseling and later did an outpatient rehab program.
It’s gonna be alright, you will be able to stop drinking. You will be able to accept guidance from those with a track record of proven sobriety. You will be able to see that no solution, medical or psychological or spiritual, is sufficient entirely on its own - we are complicated people and we need lots of help. You will be able to put forth the effort to get to bed sober.
The hardest question I was ever asked, early on in my sobriety was “Are you done yet?” It was hard because the answer had to be demonstrated, had to be lived, and not just promised.
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I also wanted to pass along this resource and explanation to you:
A misconception about Alcoholics Anonymous is that it is a religious organization. Since A.A. groups often rent space in churches, attending an A.A. meeting in a church basement can reinforce that impression, and the possibility of hearing a prayer at the end of a meeting can further cement the idea for some.
Yet A.A.’s pioneering members realized from the beginning that their sole purpose was to help people gain sobriety, and they went to great lengths to ensure the broadest membership among all who suffer from alcoholism. A.A. is a Fellowship, a community of like-minded sufferers who have found a way out of a hopeless condition.
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I had to start over again. Messed up during the hurricane. Last drink was this last Friday night. Funny to think 2 nights of sobriety and I feel that’s somewhat of a win. Any day not drinking is good though, this is really a daily battle.
Any day a drunk doesn’t drink is a win. I hope you find a path that you can follow to keep stacking days.
Make your goal today to get your head on the pillow sober! You can do it! Don’t worry about tomorrow just today. Stay full and go to bed early (if you can)
“Half measures availed us nothing.”