I don’t want life on life’s term right now, I want it to be the way I want. I don’t want my current feelings, I want ‘better’ feelings. I want to act out with food, with work, with entertainment, with my body, with everthing. Just to act out. Just because I don’t want to work my programm. Out of resentment. I don’t even know why.
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That sounds like the addiction in you. I think it’s most important now to work the program, immerse yourself in it until these feelings pass. When our mind starts doing that I feel like that’s when we have to fight the hardest. Hang in there 
and 
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100% relate. Atleast your self aware enough to see these thoughts for what they are. Sounds like youre discontent, whats the root cause?
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Talked with a friend, talked about the troubles in my marriage, vented a lot. Now my feelings are all over the place, with the upheavals of being on my period…
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Dont self sabotage because of how your feeling Aga that will only lead to you feeling even worse…its ok to not feel ok…accept it and know that it will pass…you dont need to do anything about it…its doesnt need to be acted upon…what can you do in the mean time to comfort yourself? What do you like to do?
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Typing it out here and getting an immediate response postponed doing something stupid. Now I’m going to take a hot shower and make a good lunch. I can’t thank you guys enough.
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Keep doing exactly that if it helps its what we are here for…dont think of it as postponed but that its something that is now done and dealt with and very effectively!
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Happy to read this 
keep reaching out, people here are always willing to help hold us up when we can’t do it on our own
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Getting feelings out, versus keeping them festering inside, can help a lot. Learning to live with my feelings…easy ones and troubling ones…definitely is a skill I continue working on. Feelings really do come and go if we allow them to. Feeling them, releasing them (journal, here, talk with person IRL, movement, art)…helps them move thru the body and not get stuck.
Good on you for using your tools, nurturing your self and getting thru.
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