I’m feeling full of anger, frustration, and I’m not sure what else. This is all steming down from the grandmother who has custody of my son not responding to me after asking for some pictures of him. She has not responded to me since January I text her every other weekend hoping everything is well with my son and if she ever needs anything to let me know. Mind you she wants me out of the picture period. I know this is just a moment of I just need to not pick up no matter what moment, & I need to just stay clean and the rest will follow.
Honestly I’m just fuckin over it right now with her. It’s been 141 days clean and it’s like fuck man just a text would be nice. This is the first time right now where I’m like really just wanting to give up I called my sponsor he didn’t answer so now I’m here. I know picking up that first drink or narcotic will put me in a place I don’t want to be but I can’t help but feel this shit isn’t where I wanna be either. I know this comes off like a big pity party but I’m just being honest.
I don’t think I’ll get loaded but it’s just one of these moments I feel like fuck it.
I was just looking into it a little but I wouldn’t even know where to start with all that. I wasn’t sure if my next message was gonna be “look I’d like to do things civil and just work out some visitation between you and I or I’m gonna have to look into getting a lawyer for visitation rights”. I’m really not sure how much is to much and want to do my best to not act out of anger and be irrational.
You’re probably right. The only catch is I’m not on the birth certificate or anything. I learned about him 2 months after he was born but I got a DNA test done and he is mine. I guess I just gotta go through the process of seeing what I need to start doing. Thanks
This might be the chance to start taking action. Speak with your actions, one small step at a time. Keep sober - obviously - but also speak with someone who can advise you about next steps. You have a child and you are rising up to take responsibility.
Can you speak with the local children’s aid society?
Wishing you the best with getting to see your son and having a relationship with him.
Drinking or drugging will put all that at risk.
There’s a possibility of a future with your son. You are his father.
Again, using will really make that hard to accomplish.
I’m wishing you sobriety, I’m hoping that your anger which is rightful can stay under control and that that energy can be put towards seeing what your rights are and where you can go from there. Good luck with all of that. I’m glad that you posted. It has to be very difficult for you.
Yea man you’re right it will only take away my chance of being a father. I am focusing my energy into seeing what I can do legally right now I set up an appointment with a family lawyer to see what I can do. Hopefully it’s not to expensive. Thank you for reaching out I’m starting to feel a little better.
Glad you’re here Anthony. You need your wits about you to make a plan. And follow through with it as well. You need you to be sober and clean. As does your son. Hugs.
Thank you Menno yes Im staying on the sober path I know trying to change uncomfortable feelings with what I once so desperately wish I could stop is not the solution. Sometimes my head can get real fucked up and I just want to throw it all away I hate that. I haven’t though. I spoke to my sponsor and he’s on board with the consultation I set up for Monday with a lawyer. It’s like what’s been said I just need to start taking some more action to be in my son’s life and one of them definitely needs to be me remaining sober . Thank you for reaching out
Thank you bootz I appreciate the Support I’m feeling a lot better. So far I’ve talked to my sponsor, mom & step father everyone’s in support of me having a consultation with a lawyer Monday. Sometimes my emotions really get the best of me I’m so thankful for everyone here.
It takes time to change those patterns of let’s use when we are angry (or frustrated or celebratory or grieving or any feeling or emotion). And you did all the things…sponsor, vented here, didn’t use, made a plan. That is cool!
Glad you moved thru it. Learning these emotions aren’t the end of us and life is going to throw stuff at us we can get thru…it is a big realization.
Thank you for the message yes you’re right really looking at how I was feeling last night was crazy. That feeling of ready to destroy everything I’m working hard for not just material things, family, but my insides. I really did move through it taking the right steps that’s crazy too I’m really proud of myself. I will keep everyone posted on the Lawyer and what my next steps will be. Thank you
I can really relate to that analogy man thank you for sharing that with me. I’m glad I hung on too as hard as it it I’ll do my best to trust the process. Thank you
- but there’s gotta be some way to start