3 years ago I was drinking a pint of whiskey every night and I was sick of it and from it. I had turned into a fat, sloppy mess of a human.
I’m honestly not sure how I managed to stop on weeknights, aside from just being disgusted with myself every day. But…I have ‘allowed’ myself to drink on Fridays and ‘special occasions’ since then. I’ve been finding myself WAY over doing it these nights. If there is alcohol around or I can get more, I will drink everything and then go get more. How I have not gotten a DUI yet is beyond me. Sometimes Friday spills into Saturday morning if I passed out before it was all gone and I could dump the rest. And I just wake up and keep drinking until the weekend us gone and I have to resume not drinking again.
Friday nights have been the Achilles heel for me, I can get past one…barely, but haven’t reached 2 weeks sober yet and I desperately want to. I’m tired of feeling guilty to myself, guilty to others if it was a bad mood drinking night. I hate the morning phone check, to see who I said what to. I hate it. But I keep giving in when Friday at 4pm gets here. I am very shy when it comes to personal things and am very scared to go to AA. In my town, it is not anonymous.
I don’t know how to get past this Friday night hump.
Can you make plans for that day? Fill it up. It is so hard but once you “win” a small victory you’ll feel more empowered and move forward! Do your best, Coley. It’s worth the fight and it won’t always be like this.
When Friday night comes, play the tape out of what will happen if you take that first drink. You said it yourself, you’re tired of the guilt tied to your drinking and having to see what you did or said to people in the mornings. Before getting ready to take that first drink at 4pm on Friday, think about what you said here and where it has led you before.
There are tons of online/Zoom AA meetings all over the world, so you don’t need to do one in your hometown if you’re worried about staying anonymous. I felt a lot of the same shame and guilt about my drinking as you described here. I gave AA a chance at the beginning of this year, and it took a few months for it to stick for me, but now I’m 126 days sober and truthfully have never been happier or had more serenity in my life. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Posting here is a great start too!
Thats a rough spot to be in, i was a hard liquor drinker daily and it was a constant cycle everything got in my way of drinking. Work family everyone who i thought were my friends. I became a closet drunk couldnt wait till 5oclock to get another drunk in, dont know how i made it out alive with as much as i was drinking everyday. It became miserable to the point i totally lost it my mind everything that mattered, till i found myself and saw what the drink was doing to me. Sobriety is the best thing for me even though i still have bad times at lease i dont have to stumble around in the dark just waiting for the light to shine on me. Just do your best to figure out why the thought of a drink is so compulsive, just keep it simple, take it easy and dont think your ever alone. You can make it through this
