3 years ago I was drinking a pint of whiskey every night and I was sick of it and from it. I had turned into a fat, sloppy mess of a human.
I’m honestly not sure how I managed to stop on weeknights, aside from just being disgusted with myself every day. But…I have ‘allowed’ myself to drink on Fridays and ‘special occasions’ since then. I’ve been finding myself WAY over doing it these nights. If there is alcohol around or I can get more, I will drink everything and then go get more. How I have not gotten a DUI yet is beyond me. Sometimes Friday spills into Saturday morning if I passed out before it was all gone and I could dump the rest. And I just wake up and keep drinking until the weekend us gone and I have to resume not drinking again.
Friday nights have been the Achilles heel for me, I can get past one…barely, but haven’t reached 2 weeks sober yet and I desperately want to. I’m tired of feeling guilty to myself, guilty to others if it was a bad mood drinking night. I hate the morning phone check, to see who I said what to. I hate it. But I keep giving in when Friday at 4pm gets here. I am very shy when it comes to personal things and am very scared to go to AA. In my town, it is not anonymous.
I don’t know how to get past this Friday night hump.