I had the same experience when I was divorced and had limited visitation with my kid. Not having her around removed the brakes from my behavior. And pretty quickly, because I drank so much in so many situations that I trained my mind and body to adapt to drunkenness, I started drinking even when she was around.
You might not want to hear this, but you are playing with fire. It is possible to be divorced, to not have custody of your children and to stay sober and happy.
When both drugs and alcohol are at play the best help I can give is to say do not quit one substance only to fill that void with a different one. There are people who parade around as ‘alcohol free’ and are still in fact huge potheads or popping pills etc. That is not sobriety and I don’t want that type of situation for you…
Ive come here as people have been thought the same if not worse and come out other side so i respect what you and i appreciate the advice im give i hope well need to stop so i can work on myself and become better for my kids its just hard
I get what you mean i try stopping then start somting else but its not me being clean its swapping one thing for anouther i want to be clean and don better but 1 think happens and i fall off the waggon i was clean for 7bdays then summit happend and i fell off im not pround of it but xouldnt help it
Start checking in here substance free on a daily basis and reach out for support as needed. You have come this far so chin up and carry on…
Having a plan for getting sober, and idea of how other people have done it is very helpful. Here are two threads full of such information for you.
I mixed drinking with coke for a long time. I didn’t realize how bad my drinking was until I totally stopped the coke. That was an eye opener for sure. The coke of today could be cut with fentanyl at any time and that shit is scary.
I could go a couple weeks without drinking and months without coke, but once I got my hands on some and there was a supply, I kept going til I was ragged. It wasn’t until I truly tried to stop (for longer than a few weeks) that I understood just how big a hold the drink had on me…same for the coke. If you are doing it that often, believe me, it has its hooks in ya.
It is good you came here. I hope you will keep coming back and checking in. I know you want to be there for your kids, so I hope you can stop for them and for you. When we are able to face the loneliness, the void, the hard parts of life without escape by numbing, life really can change. Stay strong and stick around. You are worth it. 
I appreciate you just talking and sharing your experiences means alot if i can go a weekend then why not a week or month i think like someone else said im using it as self medication to make me feel better witch is wrong and im not pround of and i tell people its not big its not cleaver at all for me its an escape i need to find something else not harmful to glue myself to if you know what i mean i do think drinking dont help as i drink then want/need coke i cant just drink without doining coke i owe people money for it and thats even worse but i ask professionals for help and they just laugh or say just stop but like on here its not that easy at all first sept id addmitting i need help and ive got a problem next step is gwtying help hence why come here im in the uk so i dont know if there is aa meetings or any other meeting to help
Hi Josh mate reading your thread resonated with me and has inspired me to rejoin this wonderful community after a few years away from it.
Some very good people for which I have great respect have already left you some great advice and I commend you for not taking them personally as we often do when beginning journeys such as this but everybody here only wants the absolute best for you.
Now with regards to you getting help here in the UK there are many recovery programs available where you will find help, there are also excellent drug and alcohol services such as CGL, your local one may be called something else but that can be found through Google or if you let us know your general area we can find yours for you. There will most definitely be an AA meeting locally to you or an NA(narcotics anonymous) or a CA(cocaine anonymous.) And can all easily be found by searching Google for meetings in your area.
Here’s what I would love for you to do- next time you have something you really need to talk about, no matter how dark you believe it to be then come here to talk about it as this is a safe place and I assure you that you will receive compassion, listening ears and wonderful advice that can be found in very few places. This way you do not need to have to consume coke to help you open up about it, I still struggle all the time to talk about difficult things face to face but they is something many of us have to work on daily. I hit you find this helpful mate.
Make it easy try a meeting plenty people there who have been were you are now , they will help ,helped me stay sober wish you well
Welcome back dear Gareth P. Hope you’ve been well during your absence from here Sir. It’s good to see you again.
Good to see you too mate though I have observed a little from afar. How are you doing🥰
Aha a silent observer! I’m pretty good thanks. Life changes in unexpected ways when on the sober road for a while. Mostly good ways. And planning on making some more discoveries. How are you friend?
I’m very good thanks,I hear you on the unexpected ways a few roadblocks and diversions have last before me the last couple of years but all have thankfully been taken with an overwhelming sense of serenity🥰
I dont take anythink personal as people are just telling me there experiences and what i need to here i look at aa meeting but then dont attend as embarrassed im onit again tonight as had shit going on and makes me feel good i feel like i want to be clean but at the same time i like how it feels im just confussed atm dont know what to do
I ain’t gonna talk you out of anything. Just throwing this out there. I have close to the same problem. I relaps, I am once again on 10 days. There is nothing anyone can say to you to convince you to do the right thing. Until you make up your own mind that what you/we are doing, you will not stop. I don’t have any suggestions but know that there are people you can talk to and people here for you, and all we can do is “preach” and hope you get the point. Not very religious but god may also help you through this tough time. Kept pushing and you’ll get it. Hopefully I will too
Im sorry you relaped mate its not easy 
sometimes shit hits us and we/me think the best thing is to do a lil bit to help us but the were in its grasp again its a horrible cycle hope you stay clean brother im hopeing i can even make it 10days
Would you be embarrassed in a CA meeting in your area. Everybody there has been where you are now👍
Hi there.
I have been where you are.
I used coke damn near daily for 5ish years.
For a long time I didn’t think I had a problem. I was just blowing off steam or taking my mind off of stress / hell I just wanted to get high …
Then something clicked and I didn’t want to get high anymore. I still did for some time, because I did in fact have a problem. I admitted it to myself, and still wasn’t strong enough to stop.
Until one night I was so fed up with myself and the shit I was putting my kids through (although indirectly) and I decided to quit. I told the dealer, I told the person who I got high with… And I came on here and started reading/posting as much as possible. I felt like it was impossible, and in those early days I watched the timer like a hawk. The milestones gave me the resolve to keep going.
Find your reason to quit, and every time you have a craving think of your reason. For me it was my kids.
Welcome to TS. I’m glad you’re here
There’s no need to be embarrassed at an AA meeting. You’ll meet all kinds of people from homeless to people with money. Everyone in the room has something in common.
Not sure if you’ve hit rock bottom before, but after that it’s like there’s nothing to lose. Now I don’t care who knows what. I remember telling my former boss a while back I was having issues with depression interfering with my job and she sent me to HR, all hush hush about it. Insinuating I shouldn’t mention it to my coworkers like I should be ashamed. I didn’t give af at that point.
Letting go of the shame of addiction and psychological issues can be a hurdle. But I think it’s a big part of moving forward.