I wanted to share my episode. It’s raw and brutally real in its truth. But it’s my story. Daniel’s story. From the day we met until now. Trigger warning for sure as it explains the throes of addiction and how Daniel passed in detail.
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Awesome, how neat! I’m gonna listen tomorrow on my commute to work 
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Don’t mind my awkward nervous laughter it’s like a trauma tick 
it’s awful lol
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I’d be pretty nervous on a podcast too… I’m sure you did awesome!
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I listened to it and you were amazing! Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. 
My heart breaks for you and your children. Your story brought tears. Daniel sounds like the best husband and dad when he was clean. Addiction sucks!!!
I could relate to some of your story. My husband and I are both addicts. He was more into the pills and me cocaine because I liked the upper feeling. Until I hurt my back and had to take pain meds. That led me down the dirty thirty road after I had surgery and my doctor tried to wean me off the oxys. We were that middle class family living a wonderful life and no one knew. This shit doesn’t discriminate. Thankfully we’re coming up on 5 years free from that vice. That’s one road I never want to travel again.
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Wow, you did an amazing job telling your story - I will admit I did tear up more than a few times as you spoke. It is so heartbreaking to hear how awful addiction can be and I am happy that you have gotten clean.
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You did great! Thank you for sharing it on here. Hugs to you and the kiddos
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Congrats!!!
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I can’t wait to listen to your story. I’m gonna need a lot of tissues. I bet you did great.
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Thanks homie! Did it seem like I took responsibility for my part? Like I didn’t blame it all on Daniel? And do you think I honored him?
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Thank you for listening! Means so much
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First I’m so glad you both are in recovery now. 5 years is a beautiful thing girl I wish Daniel and I could have but that was not to be our story. I’m so glad yours ended differently! I’m sorry you could relate to any of it honestly…
Do you think I took responsibility? Like I didn’t blame it all on Dan right? Did I honor him ok?
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Absolutely yes, you did take responsibility for your part. I’m glad you touched on his trauma. Most addiction is fed by the unresolved/untreated. Daniel would be proud of you.
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Well done good stuff Sarah. im doing pods now go with the flow
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Thanks for telling your story Sarahya. What I found particularly poignant and relevant was your two observations, first looking at your husband in the LA airport and seeing how physically wasted he had be become, and the other when he was physically recovered and was full of health and radiant. Both times your sentiment was "I wish he could have seen himself ". How powerful is our denial and self-delusion about the impact of alcoholism and addiction on ourselves and those closest to us!
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This was a heart wrenching podcast. I could feel what Daniel must have been feeling after leaving rehab, tears streaming down his face with your head in his lap… I imagine he felt like I did before… Like it was all a front, an unwinnable fight, hopeless and helpless but not because of a lack of desire.
I think you did your husband right in this show. I also think Daniel was your very first addiction. I’m very familiar with the religion you were raised in, it’s prominent where I live.
Oh, and p.s. you have the same nervous laugh as 1 of my cousins 
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This comment made me cry because you’re so spot on with him feeling that way. I honestly didn’t even put that together until I just read this but you’re so right when you said “Like it was all a front, an unwinnable fight, hopeless and helpless but not because of a lack of desire.” God that’s Gut wrenching!!
And you are also right that I believe he was my first addiction as well. One of the strongest drugs I’ve ever had. One I don’t believe, I would’ve ever willingly gave up. 
we were the perfect storm for each other. Chaos trying to force its way to becoming art. But I did not know the weight of our addiction until I felt the freedom of my recovery. 
Thank you so much for taking the time to listen
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Thank you all for understanding me. For understanding Daniel. I know it’s more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. So thank you. The realization that beautiful people have endings hurts so badly, but it doesn’t mean they have to be forgotten. My moments with Daniel are precious memories now, no matter how broken, complicated or messy those moments may have been. I will continue carrying him in my heart.
Continue to wrestle with your demons and I promise, your angels will eventually sing. So much love to you all. Very thankful for all you warriors who have embraced me and my truth.
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Yes, I do believe that you took responsibility for your part as well as honoring Daniel. It is a tough fact to face and you said it during your podcast - we cannot make someone else quit their addiction and force them into recovery. We have to do that ourselves. I do believe that your story will help others out with their struggles with addiction and I hope talking about it helps you with the healing process. I don’t know what else to say but, I am sorry for you loss and I wish you well on your journey.
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