But unfortunately all of my emotions are triggers. At some point yesterday I realized I was going to relapse, then I did on lunch at work. It was a conscious choice but I felt very disconnected and uninspired about it. I just did it and I know I have work to do to figure out why that is. It truly feels like as soon as I started to feel the benefits of not drinking and get excited about it, my mental health suddenly plummets. My impulses and apathy take over and it feels like what I deserve. But it’s all very unfulfilling and selfish. I’m tired of backsliding. I’m tired of holding on halfway. I want the energy and purpose back that I started to feel again with 8 days. I will escape this cycle.
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It’s because we don’t know how to deal with negative emotions without the drink. I totally feel you.
It’s also part of the healing process. It’s normal to feel anxious and frustrated and depressed, etc. Unfortunately, things don’t magically get better and we won’t always be happy and peaceful just because we’re sober.
Have you heard of PAWS? Post Acute Withdrawal…I read a good article the other day which helps explain what this is and how to cope. The website was addictionsandrecovery.com
Hugs. You aren’t alone! You can do this!
Thank you so much for the informative link and the support! I am no stranger to being emotionally explosive. My sobriety journey has totally become about navigating that and coping without numbing. I really appreciate the wise words. I won’t give up.
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I am now realizing that when facing fear, dealing with stress or whatever the obstacle, I am handling them far better sober than by drinking. My fear of the unknown or “what if” scenarios that were going to happen, didn’t or were far less than I thought they’d be.
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