It does feel like I truly wasted my youth, talent, opportunities, relationships…it’s a hard pill to swallow. That I swallowed thousands of gallons of alcohol and chronically traumatized myself instead of working on making my dreams come true. My baby is a blessing and I love him completely but I barely have any time to work on myself and building my future nowadays when that’s what I need to do most of all. I understand that all I can do is take it 1 day at a time but as a single mom with no steady job and no child support etc I just feel completely drained and constantly stretched thin and I don’t really know how to do this. It makes me upset thinking about how for 10-13 years I’ve just been drunk and doing stupid shit and haven’t created any foundation that my son and I can be secured in. It feels like I am starting at the bottom and I’m sad and scared that I don’t have it in me to create what I have envisioned.
I tend to have a really positive and optimistic attitude, but sometimes that feels fake. Honestly I have a well of sorrow that I don’t really tend to because I’m scared it’ll pull me under. It’s heavy and deep and dark. It makes me feel like the positive affirmations are fleeting sparks in a dungeon. When I say “It’s okay! You can do it!” I believe it for the moment, I really do, and I get excited and confident. But somewhere always lurking in my psyche is a distortion that feels so broken and defeated that it makes me really hesitant to actually be bold and make power moves. It’s a cognitive dissonance that keeps me ripped and jagged, there’s no flow, there’s no momentum happening. Most of the time under the surface I am just plain sad and tired. Just feeling really lonely, unappreciated, and drained today. Thanks for letting me vent. Love you
I hear you, ive been a single mother since my daughters dad left us when she was 10 months old shes almost 7 now…17 months ago i got sober but the 4 or so years before that i got into drinking more and more and gradually over time it got worse to the point i was doing crazy shit and it had to stop…during that time one of the reasons i was drowning my sorrows was because i felt like id failed at life because my dream of having a family unit of my own …a husband and a child… hadnt worked out, i also felt like id failed my daughter because her dad left us…i remember sitting drunk many nights crying saying over and over to myself that it wasnt supposed to be like this!! Eventually once i got sober and worked on myself (still ongoing) i realised that once i accepted what was and not what should have been then i could start getting on with my life properly…whats done is done you cant change any of it but dont forget how youve brought your beautiful little boy into the world, nurtured him, left your ex for the greater good, moved away and got sober in a relatively short amount of time…i think your nothing short of amazing! Rome wasnt built in a day…youve already laid some very firm foundations by doing what youve done…dont underestimate how far youve come youre doing great!
I hear you, I was an unwed high school dropout teenage mom. I drank all thru my daughter’s childhood and well beyond. I never got a penny of child support, but I was lucky my parents could help me sometimes and social programs were available back then.It is challenging when we wake up and realize how much time has passed. It is okay to feel you let yourself and your son down and yeah, sometimes life feels like a lot to bear. Venting is good. Especially versus using. Using gets you nowhere.
It is never ever too late to begin again and start a new life you can be proud of. Taking steps toward healing your self and getting some work or schooling. I went back to school and it helped me so much over the years.
Our past is gone, but we can build a healthy present. Sending hugs and strength. Keep moving forward.
I’m not a mom, but as a traumatized child of a very dysfunctional family i will say this: everything you can give your child as a true gift is free, not financial, material or quantifiable. It’s free thinking and freedom and trust and love and security with feelings. It’s time and space to grow and warm hugs and closeness.
I don’t know how you mothers do it, superheroes. All I can say is from my POV, the kids just need the authentic and loving you. Sober, wonderful you. You are a superstar all of you @JuliaLuna
@SassyRocks this share really touched my heart thank you so much. it feels really supportive to hear from someone who can relate and has been through it, and therefore is capable of offering something so wise, so tried & true. i’m inspired. thank you!
My sister told me that all those years that are WASTED are actually my resume for when i make amends
She has done a great job to tell me ANYTHING that i may or may not leave out
My accountability partner
My 20s and most of my 30s were wasted wasted. My daughter is 9 and I drank 8 years of her life. It is sad to think about, but I know there’s nothing that can change any of that now. I’ve definitely been where you are now. Ruminating over the past and just making myself miserable over something out of my control. When this happened, around 2 months sober my first real try, I found AA. I’ll never forget what I’ve learned in those rooms. Even when I fell off the wagon for 3 years, I came back with all that knowledge. Acceptance is a virtue (I’ve always had patience). All we have is today. Yesterday doesn’t matter. It’s over. Have a good today and tomorrow will be that much better There’s gonna be bad shit in life, but staying optimistic will help get you thru, even if it is fake. Fake it til you make it! That really does seem to work. For what it’s worth I think you’re doing a great job! Take care of yourself lady. If that means standing still for a while, that’s okay.
I hear you Julia,
wise words being said already so I don’t have much to add but sending love and strength and positive vibes your way.
You’re doing an amazing job by staying clean and sober and caring for your little one.
Recovery will guide you forward.
Big hugs lovely lady
I can’t speak on all that you were venting about, but I think the theme of wasted time is probably pretty common amongst us all.
I know when I think about the money I pissed away over the years I cringe.
One thing I do know as a dad is that my 2 girls value time and attention spent with them over anything else.
I thought I was doing an awesome job at being a dad when I was drinking, I was doing a good job no doubt, but now in this past month I’ve really taken stock and can honestly say now that being sober has made me a much better, and consistent parent.
Seems to me that you’re a caring and attentive mum and the fact that you’re sober will help you and your little guy in the future get where you want to be
Like others have said, no doubt we all feel this way to an extent - you are not alone!
I spent a while thinking about the wasted time, youth and money too… not being there for my kids. Becoming just like my own (alcoholic) father. Then I realised that yeah, I did waste those years and yes, that does suck and was my fault. I found acceptance.
Acceptance hurt me to begin with, but you’ve got to forgive yourself. Regret is pointless as there is nothing we can do to change the past. You can forgive yourself, accept your past and build your future in a different mould.
In a way we are lucky. We can appreciate the little every day highs because we’ve been to the lows.
You’re doing amazingly- keep doing it ODAAT and soon you’ll have a different past to think about, one you can be proud of.
@J_Lo_Ste@Just_Laura@james83@happyfeet@MrFantastik thank you all so much for your shares, they are so incredibly supportive. The theme that’s resonating is acceptance, and I truly am capable of this practice. Because I do believe it’s a practice - these urges to ruminate in bitter perspectives must be promptly met with a tender inner hug & reminder that the past is finished and it’s time right now to accept, and accept again, and accept again. Accept the whole thing and all the little parts, any memory that might rear it’s ugly head, time to accept. Practicing acceptance is one of my intentions for this season. I can do this. It will free my energy and help me move forward. Thank you all again for these incredibly loving and caring reminders. I appreciate you so much
