So I was sober for a year and 3 months but decided that I would give drinking a try again; I thought maybe I could just have one drink and be a normal person - a responsible drinker. I was wrong.
Since then I’ve binges 3 times… two of the three times I’ve made horrible decisions and either used drugs or done things that make me feel ashamed of who I become when I’m drunk.
I think it’s time I realized that I never will be a “normal drinker” and that the only way for me to be who I want to be is to be sober. I hope I’m strong enough to forgive myself for the things I’ve recently done while drunk and continue on my path to life long sobriety. I’ll just have to take it one day at a time.
Your story is very similar to mine mate. I have done some horrendous things whilst drunk. One thing I know is I would never do those things sober. Wether you are religious or not the serenity prayer does sum this up well.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I stopped for a year and decided to start drinking again in march because I like yourself thought I could drink moderately and this turned out to be false.
I’m 25 days sober now and really enjoying the journey. I wish you well mate, let us know how you get on
Been there done that I’m afraid
Was sober for 5 years (alcohol) and thought I was “cured”. Tried moderate drinking and ended up as waisted as I was before those 5 sober years. Drank for one and a half year and decided that it was enough.
It learned me I can’t have just one for the rest of my life! I’m addicted the rest of my life.
I drank my brakes away.
So here’s to one day at a time, today we do not drink 🙋
You Can’t turn a pickle back in to a cucumber. Just like you can’t turn an alcoholic back into a “normal” drinker. Acceptance of that has really helped me.
I’m glad you’re back man. Some people in your shoes don’t make it back. In your profile pic it looks like you have young kids. Shit man, if you play your cards right, they won’t remember their dad ever drinking. That’s a very encouraging thought.
I can relate, a long time sober with a relapse. Man it sucks. Could not answer why after all the years. I am kind of a science nerd and found the following article (link at the bottom). It was very insightful how many of the boxes I checked. Since I try to be “Data Driven” I hope this will help going forward to pick up the cues earlier and stop the process long before I take a drink. My goal is to recognize the relapse while still in the emotional or mental stage.
Emotional Relapse
These are some of the signs of emotional relapse [1]: 1) bottling up emotions; 2) isolating; 3) not going to meetings; 4) going to meetings but not sharing; 5) focusing on others (focusing on other people’s problems or focusing on how other people affect them); and 6) poor eating and sleeping habits. The common denominator of emotional relapse is poor self-care, in which self-care is broadly defined to include emotional, psychological, and physical care.
Mental Relapse:
These are some of the signs of mental relapse [1]: 1) craving for drugs or alcohol; 2) thinking about people, places, and things associated with past use; 3) minimizing consequences of past use or glamorizing past use; 4) bargaining; 5) lying; 6) thinking of schemes to better control using; 7) looking for relapse opportunities; and 8) planning a relapse. I tried to capture some key ideas from the article.
Physical Relapse
Finally, physical relapse is when an individual starts using again. Some researchers divide physical relapse into a “lapse” (the initial drink or drug use) and a “relapse” (a return to uncontrolled using) Most physical relapses are relapses of opportunity. They occur when the person has a window in which they feel they will not get caught. Part of relapse prevention involves rehearsing these situations and developing healthy exit strategies.
Remember::: to
Setbacks are a normal part of progress. They are not failures. They are caused by insufficient coping skills and/or inadequate planning, which are issues that can be fixed
