Thank you. Im in a good place right now. Today is day 1 and I’m feeling calm and confident.
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Yay! Take it one minute at a time today if you have to. Wishing you all the best!
First…I don’t know why you don’t want to go to AA since you didn’t clarify. But I can tell you that sobriety occurs when we go outside of our comfort zone. If you don’t want to go to AA because you are scared then that is exactly the reason why you SHOULD go. I didn’t go for 2 years and I had all the excuses all lined up in a neat little list…but in the end, AA is the reason why I eventually got sober and am still sober today. It was scary as all heck but it is what I needed. If you don’t want to go to AA because of some perceived feeling that it is too religious (it ISN’T but I know a lot of people would prefer something without any reference to God…even my very religious “born again Christian” friend wouldn’t go to AA because she feared it would conflict with her already very strong religous beliefs) there are other groups you can join.
Second…a fellowship recovery group (AA or other) is exactly where you will FIND sober people to be in your life!!! You will either find other people who are going through exactly what you are going through right now and you will find camaraderie in that OR you will find people who have experience in sobriety and you will find wisdom and advice in that!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
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I 2nd this. I was the same and didnt want to ask for help because it felt like a burden but the best people I’ve met are in the rooms, rehab and recovery. You should try and find a silver lining and use an open mind. Also when you’re willing to do anything you will find it a little easier to ask for help. I battled addiction for 12 years before I decided that my way wasnt working and in January I went to rehab for the 1st time and it literally changed my life. I hope that soon you find that hope you need to survive this lifestyle before it takes your life. Please dont be afraid to reach out and ask for help. It is what will save your life.
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Hey Erin; I just wanted to pipe in about AA and not going. I have pretty much a whole boat load of family that got sober with it and I absolutely still didn’t want to go, but I did. I have heard a lot of reasons why not to go, but if you use it for YOUR life and/or situation it’s really a great thing to find. It did take a few times before I felt comfortable but everyone is so nice and happy to see you make it there. 
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Sorry to not elaborate for those who have contributed.
I have tried AA off and on for several years and I find the setup doesn’t work for me. People are great. Support system is great. But I more feel like Im in a lion’s club or fraternal order being than I feel like Im in a support group. And I have been to several locations.
Really, its just not my style and its not going to be what gets me sober.
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Have you tried smart recovery? 
Totally understandable, you need to find what works for you. If you identify as female, you might try reading Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker, it really resonated with me. I also recently read, We Are The Luckiest…which was also helpful.
See also the listing of resources I shared earlier in this thread. There are many different support groups…in person or online, as well as podcasts, books, medications and other holistic therapies to help us in our sober journeys. Keep working to find what truly resonates with you. Healing IS possible! 
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I will add though, getting your work HR involved in helping you find options can also save your job. If they know you are struggling, and actively looking for help, they usually can’t fire you. You don’t have to talk to them about your drug of choice, you just have to say you are struggling, and looking into your recovery options.
If it is pride that you are having trouble with, you are going to have to learn to swallow it.
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I feel like it’s more that if it’s on file that I have a problem and I slip up even a little it’ll give them more of an excuse. At least right now if I have a mild hangover I can keep my head down and grind the whole day. If it’s on their radar then a brighter light will shine on me and mgr will be constantly keeping an eye on me. At least right now I have a level of invisibility.
I am digging deep into reading and I think that’ll keep my brain busy at the very least.
To others questions, I agree that I need a sober social support base. I only looked at a couple alternatives last week and didn’t find anything in my area, but I need to take a closer more thorough look.
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I sometimes listen to “aa speakers” on YouTube. Pretty interesting listening to famous people tell their stories!
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Just now finishing Holly’s book and have We are The Luckiest in the batter’s box. Holly’s book provides a lot of great insights and tools. It’s almost a reference/textbook. There are many ways to sobriety and a fulfilling life for sure.
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