I have relapsed so many freakin times. Always resetting the clock. Right now I’m a big fat loser. I lost a lot. My talk is so cheap. People are getting upset with me and I don’t blame them, I let them down. I told them I would get sober. I tell myself I’m getting sober. Denial denial denial.
Getting sober is tough but possible and I believe is a loving higher power.
I love you all for everything. The most hounest community I’ve ever came across.
I will not stop this journey
Sobriety and recovery are close to my heart
The question for me at the moment is… How much do you want it
If you insist to call yourself names, why not call yourself a fighter, who never gives up? Anytime I read your posts I see the struggle, the fight and the will to change. Loser is someone who gives up and it’s ain’t you.
I feel every word of this, Matt. It has become increasingly clear that I may need a lot more help than my RD group for the mental part of this fight. As I get older, the dark places are harder to crawl out of.
RIght now, I don’t want it at all. I just want to stay in the dark place with my head in the sand. But that’s this moment and it will pass. These last two weeks have been incredibly difficult in a variety of ways. It all passes. Good times, bad times, nothing times, they are all temporary.
You are not a big fat loser. You are a flawed human, like all of us, doing your best where you are at right now. I know it is easy to get down on yourself and feel like you are not succeeding because you are not staying 100% sober 100% of the time. But here you are, still trying, still working to figure out what works best for you, still working on healing your self. I say that is progress and something to be proud of.
Sure there are people who said, I am never drinking again, put down the bottle and that was it for them. But for every person who was able to get sober in one decision, there are many many of us who took longer. There is no shame there. There is pride in believing in your self and your worth enough to keep going when inside says, no stay here in this safe place of oblivion.
I see a fighter, not a loser. Hold your head up and own your strength of purpose. Believe in your self. We can do hard things.
When my children were in rehabs at separate times there was a speaker that I really admired. Can’t remember his name. H talked about addiction being Satans’ perfect work. He said something like the following that I just googled and copied from New Life Spirit Recovery. I am in no way pushing God and religion. Just an open mind. And at the time I wasn’t as strong in my faith as I am now. Anyway …
The Real Enemy
By now, hopefully, you can see that addiction is not merely willful sin and disobedience, but bondage. As we learned, this means addiction is holding the person in captivity. While the addiction itself seemingly overtakes a person’s life, addiction is actually being influenced by a spiritual force. Satan is the enemy of the human race. He sets forth to oppress and sabotage people’s minds so they cannot know God, experience freedom and live out the radical promises of what God offers. Satan is a fierce, bloodthirsty opponent who strategically develops ways to lure humans into his devices. Without identifying his tactics or acknowledging his role in addiction, we will be ignorant and prone to defeat. We will also be more willing to label addiction as merely a physical or emotional problem and thus limit the actual remedy.
I am also not a big fan of blaming Satan for everything that is wrong. But this description of addiction sure gave me something to think about.
God Bless you for contining to stay in the game. You’re worth it.
13 i’s I’ves and I’ms. When we spend this much time thinking about ourselves no good will come of it, as soon as we get the urge to be selfish and succumb to our own desires we can distract ourselves by sharing our experience with others in the hope that our words will help another struggling addict alcoholic. This will keep us sober this will take us on a journey walking the path side by side, no one gets left behind if we all keep guiding the person beside us.
Not one i involved.
It’s ok Matt! I’m on day 8 and have been a user and drinking since the age of 12. I’m now 53 years old. Just dont stop. We have to learn to fight, fight, fight.
Losers lay down and accept the circumstances…if your picking yourself up, admitting your failures and making every attempt to RISE…I would define that as a fighter, a warrior!
We have all beaten ourselves up enough. It’s time to love ourselves!
truth!
