In the last couple of days I found myself thinking that I could drink, then that I should drink…then that I was going to relapse… then that I had to relapse to make those thoughts and related feeling stop.
Today I spent a lot of time on here reading stories and some of my own ancient post, trying to find answers.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I needed to take care of myself. I won’t spent much time explaining my reflections, but it’s pretty much this: in any mental illness, the symptoms are a sign that something need to be addressed. You can do stuff to calm the symptoms (for example: antidepressants for depression symptoms) but at some point you have to take some action to change what causes the symptoms (ex: working less, sleeping more, change ideals and the guilt related to goals with therapy, etc) so that when the symptoms stop or change into different ones, you know what to do or where to go in yourself to find a safe place to reflect about your states. Basically, we have to adapt and be ready to change.
All this to say that cravings and thoughts of drinking are a sign, a symptoms that tells me I have to adapt. It may be changing my way of seeing thing, reschedule my day, making sure my body’s fueled and ready to go, maybe I need to rest or maybe I have to get my ass to work and get things done, pull out a workout, cry - anything. Cravings are a symptoms of a substance use/abuse disorder and are a normal sign that we are working to resist and overcome the limitations of this disorder. Considering craving as a sign that we are pushing the boundaries (in which we were doomed for years of using) so instead of falling back into drinking we can see them as opportunities to grow in the right direction and giving ourselves some chance to go further towards our true self and path, at least for today… and even if we just hold the line for today and fall back on our support system for that day, it will still be a win of the day - and maybe that is all what matter: being sober today.
Again I wanted to be short but haven’t lol.
Today I woke up saying I will relapse.
But I chose to lay on other thing than just my thoughts: this forum, called 2 persons, worked a bit, and now going into a bath with a coffee 6 books because I can’t choose anything right now.
I will stay sober today.
Me too!