I’ve been struggling with alcohol since I was a teen and now I’m 33. My clock is ticking but I just can’t stop drinking. I’ve done a little AA here and there and I started taking lexapro to help with the anxiety and depression that my drinking has caused. My bf came over last night and I was passed out drunk and I didn’t wake up. He poured out the booze I had left on the counter. He called me this morning and asked if I was drinking I said no and bam I was caught and I lied to him. Hes furious and I dont blame him. I really wanna marry him and have a family with him but I just can’t seem to boot booze out of my life. I drink everyday. We all know you can’t drink when your pregnant. I dont know what to do with myself. Thanks for listening.
Welcome back. For me, the first step was making the decision to stop drinking. The next step was having one day off. For me, that was hard! Then, I decided to have another day off. I felt awful for a week or two, but now I feel so much better. I was 37 when I had my son. I gave up drinking a little before trying to fall pregnant. But in hindsight, I should have given my body a lot longer to heal before trying to conceive. The best body to grow a human in is a healthy body! For me, it was actually easy to stop when pregnant. I did not want to harm him in any way. I also stayed sober until he was one, but then the drinking crept back in. I can honestly say I am a much better parent when I’m not drinking. I’m fact, I’m a much better me full stop! Wishing you success with your journey. Keep posting, keep positive and make a sober plan!
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Hey Sarah, I know what you mean…alcohol destroyed my relationship with my boyfriend ruined my life and left me with liver cirrhosis. Even after my diagnosis and knowing I would die if I kept drinking, I didn’t and couldn’t stop. My boyfriend tried to ween me down but we all know that does not work. If you are drinking everyday, I would highly recommend detox. It’s a week long and you’re monitored by doctors as you have your withdrawals. You also get to attend meetings and groups throughout the day to discuss sobriety and do exercises to remind you why you’re on this path. It educates you. Detox was enough for me and I put myself right into an IOP program. The more you know about your disease the more you will be able to confront it and realize why you have to stop. It is possible I promise you that. Best of luck and feel free to reach out 
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If marrying and having a family is your idea of a better life, then it will require a better you.
Want this life? Decide to be better and then work to be better. Better begins with sober.
After losing too many battles with booze, I finally realized where I lost every one of them. It wasn’t the second or third or eighth drink. It was the first drink. Victory or defeat. Success or failure. The first drink is the drink that matters.
When I say “no” to the drink that matters…the first drink, I win, 100%. If I say “yes”, I lose, with the only thing left to decide is how badly I lost. Maybe I stop after two, but more likely I stop when I’m passed out. If this were a boxing match, I got knocked out.
The title of your post is “I would love a family, but…” Love is action, not feeling. Love yourself. Take action to be better. A better you can better love your boyfriend. A better you can be a better mate. A better you can be a better mom, whose actions love her children.
You know what you want. Get after it. Be willing to do and try anything to be better. Meetings. Rehab. Daily interactions on this forum. Sponsor. Accountability partner. Rehab. Yoga. Martial Arts. Church.
Decide to be better, and then be better. Keep getting better at getting better each and every day. Better today than you were yesterday, and tomorrow better still. Let this be the moment you look back on and say: “Here is where I decided, and I haven’t taken one step back, since then.”
You can do this.
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I navigate life with this one quote in mind: “Every day you wake up you have one job: to be better than yesterday.” My moral compass so to speak.
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Now that you betrayed yet again… remember the more harm u do by drinking now will take longer to heal later. You have to prove that you can do this for yourself no one else. It takes quite some time (months, years) to gain confidence from someone we betrayed yet it took 1 minute to do it. You need to find yourself and understand why you do this over and over. Analyze the relapse and make changes… Same halfass changes lead to half ass results. Maybe its time to get more critical and serious if you really want this life…
and it doesnt stop there. a drunk parent is not the best parent. let your body and mind heal before becoming a mama. as far as i know, its hard enough to be a non-addict parent let alone one that struggles with substance abuse. you have time! its 2019. women are becoming mamas well into their 40’s now without batting an eyelash. not saying you have to wait that long, but put the pressure off yourself to conceive. work on yourself and being the best future mama you can be 
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Geez @Yoda-Stevie your words are so powerful. It’s not even my post and I have flagged this to re-read when I need to!
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@Saracz you have plenty of time but give yourself today. Then tomorrow and repeat. I can tell you would be a great mom because you are waiting to have a baby until you are ready. Give yourself today. Keep asking for help.
I totally understand what you are saying here and I want you to know that you have my support. But you need to do the work. So…do you REALLY want to marry him and have a family? If the answer is yes then do it. Do everything you can think of to get sober and healthy again. Go to rehab. Get back to AA meetings. Talk to your doctor. See a therapist. Do anything and everything you can think of.
YOU CAN DO IT!! We are here to support you but you need to do the work.
I know what you mean if I can end up half as wise and insightful as @Yoda-Stevie I’ll be happy and I know there’s no reason that I can’t now I’m on the right track 
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Do you truly feel, in your gut, you have a problem?
The first step is KNOWING you have one.
Until you FEEL it…accept it…EMBRACE it…
Nothing is going to change.
You’ll continue to rationalize, deny, and stay in your pain.
The only way out of this is through it. And you won’t go down that path until the pain you’re in is greater than your fear of doing something differently.
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