73 days PMO-free
24 days smoke-free
Yesterday was cold and dreary. I was exhausted from lack of sleep and sore from my time at the gym. (Which I will be heading to again shortly after this…) Since I was denied sleep, I cleaned and cleaned. I even washed the vacuum inside and out. I scrubbed this and polished that. All the while, Jo sat on the couch and watched me. She would come up with lame excuses why she couldn’t help. My favorite was that she was “feeling crafty and [she] never feels crafty; so, [she] was going to do something crafty.” That involved her sitting like a lump on a log, scrolling through her Pinterest.
I did so many loads of laundry, folded said laundry, scrubbed out the cat litter closet and changed out their litter boxes completely, cleaned the kitchen thrice, cleaned out the fridge, ran the trash to the compactor, vacuumed while I burped the house, cared for the pets (she couldn’t take them out because ‘they’re fine’…they weren’t fine), cleaned the bathroom, etc. I even cooked dinner while she sat like a lump on a log.
She did manage to take the dogs to the park after I helped load them in, which allowed me time to burp the house. 1 door, 1 window in this apartment. 
While I was in the middle of cooking and cleaning, she sat on the couch and talked to her neighbor friend on the phone (on speaker). She looks at me and says:
“Can you get me my water?”
She does this dramatic, annoying-ass lip smack like she’s parched. She does it every time we get into the car and she doesn’t have anything to drink…even if we literally just turned the car on.
I couldn’t say “no, get the fuck off your lazy ass and get it yourself, I’m clearly cooking dinner and cleaning.” because then I’d sound like an asshole… I didn’t say anything. I grabbed her plastic cup and she immediately said
“It’s empty” all pitiful and smiled.
I rolled my eyes so hard, I didn’t even make it subtle.
I got her water, walked it maybe 5 or 6 steps…handed it to her and went back to cooking.
After I ate, I went to my studio to pray the second day of the St. Joseph novena. That helped me come back to a baseline annoyed. Afterwards I went to the store to get more coffee creamer and came home.
The dinner dishes were stacked in the sink. How thoughtful right?! So, while I unloaded the dishwasher and loaded the dinner ones (and there weren’t many!) in she had the AUDACITY to say:
“I made the bed and matched some socks. That’s my offering for today.”
Normally I would’ve gone postal. I would have fucking detonated! 
But I didn’t.
I haven’t.
I’ve gray-rocked her.
She doesn’t get that satisfaction anymore. Get gets maybe 3 words out of me now. Emotionless, even-toned replies. Which is draining having to keep the are you fucking kidding me under control. It’s exhausting having to repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over within an hours time…
Not because of early onset dementia.
Because she’s not actually listening.
And because she wants a reaction.
I used to fly off my rocker!
I’ve already fucking told you!
But I simply ignore her or respond with ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
It’s truly amazing how someone with such a difficult time remembering things magically begins to remember things when they’re being ignored, and usually arguments from years before. 
I keep reminding myself that it’s almost over. I mean, in my heart it already is… but living with her. Being married to her. Being crushed under her thumb. It’s almost over.
Then I’m going to throw the biggest “coming (back) out” party ever! 
I just need to figure out how I’m going to afford moving out. Damn! I wish I could work!!!
God will provide in His time! I believe that.
So, today I’m going to keep focusing on my sobriety. I’m going to actively work on it. And, I’m going to go to my studio to take a nap! It’s gotten cold again, but I don’t care. 
I love y’all so very much!!!
I 
NOT paraphrasing.
I know girl! Lock in!