I’m not sure where to start from. This month ive been doing pretty good given all the sh*t this month had. I had 2 days in which I was ehh. Other than that ive been shockingly ok. But now I’m just laying in bed with this weird feeling and Idk why. Ive been having these weird dreams lately and the only way I can explain is that all my thoughts during the day get mushed together into this dream that is unexplainable. I dont realize how much thinking I do during the day until I dream about all of them.
I heard my moms voice for the first time in 13 years the other day and was doing good somehow. And I woke up pretty happy today because I realized I actually had a dream with my mom in it which has never happened lol. Ive been waiting for this day forever and it finally happened. I think it was only bc ive been obsessing over the videos all week and its all thats on my mind so she showed up in my dreams tonight. But im happy with it:)
Soemthing i realized was I was shocked hearing her voice or seeing her for a split second in the videos. I feel like i dont know her bc ive only known her from whatever memory ive had of her or pictures. So hearing her talk and stuff just messed with my mind a bit and caused this sense of like confusion. It felt like they were 2 completely different people, but it could just be me overthinking everything like always.
I saw someone on here talking about like not feeling like they are in reality or something like that and i thought i was the only one. I feel like im not in this world. I start to dissociate in a way. Like I’m unreal or everyone else is. Its pretty weird because then i start to question everything. I start to think about whether or not im real or anything is real and one thing leads to another and then I’m left with a mess. I just want my mind to stop overworking for a bit. But even in my sleep im thinking. I know this is a lot and long so if you got this far and read everything, thank you for reading. Getting all this out might help hopefully.
Sorry if none of this makes sense lol. My minds currently a mess:)