I think you need to direct your inquiry at the part of yourself that has a love affair w alcohol. You won’t be able to give it up if you don’t understand what draws you to it and what you apparently (cos it’s all lies and the total net gain is zero) get out of drinking. The universal lament won’t get you ahead. It’s your journey and you have your own reasons. Meetings, therapy and honest introspection all are proven ways to get to your personal truth.
Here are some more resources: Resources for our recovery
Good luck!