No one ever talks about the pain of once you get clean. All the regrets and pain of the things you lost while using. Well I lost my kids for a while… I got my son back and I’m so thankful he welcomes me with open arms! but not my beautiful little girl who I miss so bad. I pray she’s doing well and is happier than can be. She has amazing parents who are raising her into a great young woman!! I’m so so sorry that I did what I did and I fight everyday to stay clean. I never wanna walk that path again! All I can do is hope one day we can try again…
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That’s hard and I can’t imagine how painful that must be. Not seeing her ore taking care for her anymore. May you visit her with her new parents? Ore maybe you can if some time passes? You will always be her biological mama. That will never change.
We can never change the past but we can change our future and you are doing just that.
Keep going lady, for yourself and son and daughter 
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Lots of pain around these parts. I am sorry you are feeling so much of it today. Sometimes we just have to. But it sounds like you still have hope as well. That is good. Do not lose all hope, that would be bad. Are you feeling safe as well?
Glad you checked in here. I am sure some more experienced members can give you more in depth advise.
-Solar
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I see you have a decent amount of clean time, congratulations. They say the second year is harder in some ways because that’s when you start dealing with the deep wounds. Im sure it’s awful not having your daughter. All you can do is give yourself grace and find the good in today. Your daughter is still here, being well cared for and you still have a chance at reconciliation someday. Keep walking the road of recovery and it will not lead you wrong. Best wishes
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