Life, It doesn’t always play fair and neither do the people in it. But I am not here to be a casualty. I am not here to let the chaos consume me. And neither are you. There’s a fire within each of us, a spirit that rebels against the notion of victimhood. We’ve been through the wringer but each time life threw a curve ball at us, we emerged stronger. Bruised maybe, but never unrepairable in our brokenness. This journey is not about avoiding the fall. it’s about thriving in spite of it. We hold the pen, we are the author of our story. The defiance in my tone is a declaration of self love. I will not allow myself to be victimized by circumstances or the opinions of others.
The wisdom of my tragedies gives me more gratitude than regret. There has been grief and soul searching and carrying on. Grief for what I might have been, for roads I took that I wish I hadn’t, grief for the one I love and lost. Most of us experience bends in the roads, yield signs or even those that tell us to stop and when we ignore those, it can have repercussions for the remainder of our days. One of the phrases I heard repeatedly throughout recovery was to accept the “new normal.” To this day, those words make me cringe. I wanted my old normal but like my childhood home, it had ceased to exist except in memory. No amount of meds or rehab would bring back the person I had been before. Daniel and I’s choices had irreversible consequences. Ones I am learning to make peace with.
I’ve learned when we are living grief and sobriety honestly, some people will fall away and it’s ok, they are not ready. Perhaps, because they don’t have the patience for our reluctant and painful transformation. That’s ok. Let them fall away softly. Shed the judging stories that are not our own and that do not serve us. Hardship is virtue’s opportunity to sort what is worthless from worthy. Even on days when it doesn’t feel like it, there is strength in weakness and there is power in surrender. May we immerse ourselves in the shared journey of others across space and through history who have also raised their fists and stood tall in their sobriety and in their truth. So if I must than let me fall and shatter, for every challenge is another stone, which happens to serve me well, because I am building a fortress.
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