If you fail to plan, you plan to fail


#1

Hi Jay here. I have been unable to get even 24 hrs under my belt for months. But I will not give up, i will not surrender! Every night I go to bed drunk and oblivious, tasks and responsibilities piling up at home, time lost that I could be bonding with my son. In the morning I detest myself, yet I try to keep positive and believe I can beat this. All day I read quotes,read everyone success stories, listen to motivational speec

Once the thought kicks in or the bewitching hour comes around I give in immediately. I know I dont want to drink and that I am a happier more efficient person without it, yet I desire to just not feel myself. I have decided I am worthy of love and loving myself, I am worthy of friends, success and happiness. But it starts with me. I have misused the last 15 years of my life hating, comparing and berating myself.
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!

So this is my plan:
:heavy_check_mark:check in here in the mornings and evenings
:heavy_check_mark:take a different route home from work and stay as late as I can so the liquor store will be closed. Also no cash, no debit card.
:heavy_check_mark:no more self hate thoughts, I will turn every negative talk into a positive about myself
:heavy_check_mark:I will have a plan and schedule for my days off with my son
:heavy_check_mark:finish reading Rational Recovery
:heavy_check_mark:if the desire comes I will not acknowledge it as my desire but that of healthy animal body that has been deprived of a poison it got used to.
:heavy_check_mark:I will take a bath, nap, or go for a power walk.

I will no longer accept the desire to drink as my own but that of a healthy animal body that has been getting poisoned unknowingly and now I take back control and will no longer poison it or give in to it.

Thank you for always listening and taking me back sober friends!


#2

That sounds like you have this down quite well actually. What I think helped me the most at the time when I was really struggling as you described was understanding that I need to let go of the idea that something positive will come of my drinking…I replaced it with the reality that if I have one drink it will cause a disaster…changing that mindset was a huge relief for me…good plan…you got this :slight_smile:


#3

Thank you @Rain666! I also have given up the belief that I can drink moderately or that I TRULY have any desire at all to drink. It’s a habit with physical, financial, emotional, etc., consequences. I will not drink again. As you said, no first drink, no problems.

If we can do that, everything else has a solution


#4

You got this :slight_smile:


#5

I used to often tell myself "It only costs $7.41 to absoloutly ruin my life again. That and the fear of not knowing how many recoveries I have left in me got me through the first few months. Every once in a while I say it now.


#6

what costs 7,41?


#7

Forever is way long. We are only guarenteed today. I like to just worry about today. I have not drank today about 550 times. Works for me.


#8

Sounds like you have a solid plan, that’s awesome. Stay strong.


#9

A fifth of bottom shelf, Aristocrat vodka. That’s what I drank at least one of the last 2 or so years of my active alcoholism.


#10

My 375ml of brandy also cost me 6.00 dollars. But really its was costing me my life!


#11

Thank you! @Island-Girl


#12

Your bottom shelf was expensive! Lol.


#13

Maybe VA booze just has a higher tax rate. Same booze in NC was cheaper. But, my addiction lived in VA and that was the cost of a fifth. I wasn’t even going to bother if it wasn’t at least a fifth.


#14

Yeah no doubt. When people talk about having 1, I think 1 fifth.


#15

If you’re open to suggestions, for the turning negatives into positives piece I would suggest writing out some positives and sticking them in your wallet. Recovery is hard, when I got into that negative space about myself I needed to to have something physical to turn to.


#16

@CaptAZ same for me here. I have no limits with alcohol. And when I drink I have no limits with anything else.


#17

I am open to suggestions! Thank you @MissJ! I will do this but instead of my wallet I will take a picture and make it my phone background. (I rarely go in my wallet)


#18

You guys need to get metric so baaad…I had to urban dictionary search how much this fifth is…and it turns out it refers to a fifth of a gallon, which is 757ml…but you don’t then really have bottles of fifths cause they are sold as 750ml…
Get metric!!! UGH!


#19

Lol. I’ll get right on to lobbying for that. The 750ml was the little bottle, for when I was really broke. Otherwise I liked to buy the handle for $10


#20

oh and btw…just checked the local price and the cheapest 0,7L bottle of vodka was 20 bucks…we tax alcohol heavily…