Hi Jay here. I have been unable to get even 24 hrs under my belt for months. But I will not give up, i will not surrender! Every night I go to bed drunk and oblivious, tasks and responsibilities piling up at home, time lost that I could be bonding with my son. In the morning I detest myself, yet I try to keep positive and believe I can beat this. All day I read quotes,read everyone success stories, listen to motivational speec
Once the thought kicks in or the bewitching hour comes around I give in immediately. I know I dont want to drink and that I am a happier more efficient person without it, yet I desire to just not feel myself. I have decided I am worthy of love and loving myself, I am worthy of friends, success and happiness. But it starts with me. I have misused the last 15 years of my life hating, comparing and berating myself.
I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!
So this is my plan:
check in here in the mornings and evenings
take a different route home from work and stay as late as I can so the liquor store will be closed. Also no cash, no debit card.
no more self hate thoughts, I will turn every negative talk into a positive about myself
I will have a plan and schedule for my days off with my son
finish reading Rational Recovery
if the desire comes I will not acknowledge it as my desire but that of healthy animal body that has been deprived of a poison it got used to.
I will take a bath, nap, or go for a power walk.
I will no longer accept the desire to drink as my own but that of a healthy animal body that has been getting poisoned unknowingly and now I take back control and will no longer poison it or give in to it.
Thank you for always listening and taking me back sober friends!