Today my car had to be dropped off to have an IID device installed in it. In March, my rock bottom, I got into an accident thankfully it just involved me. My Alcohol level was .15 so the device has to be installed in my state. I have been sober for 57 days today and I feel the shame and guilt of having to do this. It is really hard and emotional and embarrassing. Just struggling tonight.
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Thats tough. We are here if you need to talk
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57 days is great. That should be your focus and your takeaway. I know the IID thing can be embarrassing but don’t worry, you’re far from the only one that’s had to do that. What I learned from all my drinking was, hell, there are a LOT of pretty severe alcoholics in this town of all shapes, sizes, cultures and creeds. Shake off the shame and guilt, there’s no point to it. If shame and guilt made things better, or were effective at keeping one from drinking, I’d have had my last drink years ago. I wouldn’t even dwell on it if I were you. It’s done. Just be grateful it wasn’t any worse than it was and before you know it you’ll be able to get it taken off.
Be proud of your 57 days. Be careful with the IID though, I know some can be set off just by using hand sanitizer in the car, mouthwash, etc.
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I had one for 18 months. It was embarrassing every time I had to start my car. I was afraid people were looking at me when I’d leave work. I started joking about it around the office with my coworkers. Some had been thru the same and others said they were just lucky they never got caught. What helped me to cope was the fact that it’s a temporary situation and an end is in sight. The winter was tough because I couldn’t warm up my car and go back inside. I had to sit there shivering just in case a test came up. Don’t want to miss those. One time I went in the store and left my daughter in the car running and sure enough it went off. I got back to the car just in time to blow. It was already on the 2nd request. Never did that again.
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Congrats on 57 days, that’s great.
Or you can look at it as having the opportunity to regain your full license, some people don’t get that chance. A little shift in perspective can work wonders in sobriety. Try to find gratitude in a situation if you can and it will make the situation better. Best wishes to you 
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It does feel like a shameful thing. That was also my first rock bottom and sobered up weeks before the trial and installation, attending AA meetings. Mine happened in a parking lot of all places when I made a beer run down the street. A store I could have walked to.
I’d duck down when I blew into it. Below the window so no one could see. Like I was picking something up off the floor. Of course you can’t do this while driving but when parked with others around that’s how I handled it. Some people may just own it and not care who sees. But I get where you’re coming from here.
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I know you will get through this and handle it well. If this is what it took to get freedom from alcohol, then you can just look forward to all the possibilities that await you in recovery or discovery or re-discovery, whatever you’d like to call it.
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