Hey everyone. My name is Maddox, and I’m a rageaholic. Thank you all for letting me share this forum with you, even though for me sobriety means not lashing out in anger at the people I love.
I’m here because I’ve been angry my whole life. My parents taught me to be angry. It’s a lesson I learned very well, we weren’t physically abusive, but we hated everyone and everything. I learn to drive aggressively, treat people as though they were fools, and act as though I’m superior to everyone else. Everyone else deserves whatever emotion I sent at them.
A week ago, I took my wife, young kids, and her mother, to the movies. While getting out of the car, my wife commented that I was frustrating her, because I was paying too much attention to the baby, and not helping with everyone else. That set me off. I got into an argument with her, and we wound up arguing back and forth with each other right over the head of my young son. My son burst into tears and was begging us to stop. The argument ended with my wife and I sitting in silence after I told her to go get a lawyer. I managed to walk that comment back later, and now we’ve been living with a high degree of tension for the last few days.
My wife is one of my triggers. I don’t know why, but when she expresses frustration with me, I immediately start to get angry. I want to yell back at her that I’m doing my best, and she has no right to be frustrated with me. But I know that she’s right. I get angry so easily, I get mad at her, and the kids. And they don’t deserve to be treated that way.
I’m on day 5 of my journey. This is my first time through it. I’ve had a couple of instances where I’ve had to try really hard not to let my anger out. And, whenever my wife criticizes me, it feels like it’s all going to come exploding out.
That’s me. I’m a rageaholic, and if I don’t get this fixed, I’m going to ruin the most important relationships in my life.