You guys I fucked up. I drank for almost 30 days. The found me outside of the liquor store. Apparently my uber driver threw me off the car and now I’m all bruised up. Thank God I’m alive. (I was on my way to the liquor store. They took me on an ambulance that day than I got released . But my withdrawing symptoms were the worst they’ve ever been so I told my mom to bring me to the hospital and now here I am. 
WAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME. I FEEL LIKE THIS WILL NEVER END. I’M REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW GUYS. I HAVNT SEEM MY KIDS AGAIN FOR ALMOST A WEEK. MY MOM HAS BEEN BY MY SIDE AND SO HAVE MY SISTERS. THE ONLY THING THAT SADDENS ME IS THAT MY BOYFRIEND THE FATHER TO MY CHILDREN HASN’T EVEN HAD THE AIDACITY TO ASK HOW I’M DOING. OR EVEN COME VISIT ME. I’M REALLY REALLY REALLY SAD YOU GUYS.
I’m sorry to hear about your relapse. Maybe you can channel that sadness into energy and come up with a plan of action. What have you done in the past that didn’t work? What can you do differently going forward?
Are you able to get into some type of residential treatment?
We are here for you 
It can end. I dont know what you have done to maintain your sobriety. It might be time to change or add to what you were doing.
For some it was rehab.
For some it was rehab, multiple times.
For me, it was coming here daily, participating, asking questions reading everything I could.
It was reading anything about alcoholism and addiction I could get my hands on
It was removing all thing alcohol from my life. People, places, things…it all changed.
It was finding a recovery program.
Hi @Gonzolady - glad you’re safe 
I’ve got a couple questions. I’m not asking these to be discouraging. I’m just asking so you can get really clear.
A)
Do you want to be healthy and grounded?
Do you want it? Like really want it?
Or:
B)
Do you want to feel sorry for yourself and how bad you (think you) have it? How rough (you think) your life is? Do you want to hide in self-pity just like you do in alcohol? Neither one requires you to take any real responsibility.
(B) is very tempting. Feeling sorry for yourself is a very comfortable place to be. There’s no risk. You can’t fail if you don’t try. You can’t fail if you have no real expectations of yourself. (I don’t mean hopes or wishes. I mean clear expectations that you hold yourself accountable for, through real commitments to sobriety groups and showing up and keeping in touch with people and talking with people about what’s happening for you day to day, instead of hiding in the familiar numbness of alcohol.)
(A) requires you to set and live up to clear expectations. (A good place to start might be rehab: www.FindTreatment.gov; after that, meetings, every day, multiple times a day if you need or want to: Online meeting resources) It requires you to pay attention to your habits and change the ones that need changing. It requires you to take responsibility and risk. With (A), you can’t hold back; you can’t hide in bad feelings or bad drinking. You can’t hide with A.
Whether you’re hiding in bad feelings and self-criticism (like B) or you’re hiding in alcohol, the result is the same.
The only way out is A.
Either you want it or you don’t. Do you want real responsibility for your life? Yes or no.
Yes I do. Very very badly that’s why I’m here at the hospital
Sounds good. What’s the next thing you’re going to do after this?
What’s your plan after the hospital? Will they transfer you to rehab? If not, how about challenging yourself to 90 AA meetings in 90 days.
Im so glad you’re in a medical setting. I know it feels bad rn but you are here with us and that’s because you want to stop. You’re a strong lady, I’m rooting for you, sweetie. Baby steps today, you don’t have to figure everything out today. 
Thank you so much
You’re a sister here whether you know it or not, lol. We’re here for you.
You’re here with us. And you’re safe in the hospital now. You rest and get stronger. You’re not alone. There’s work to do and right now your work is to be sober and get healthy. One day at a time.
This will end, if you want it to. So want it to.
We get to choose our bottom. Why not choose this bottom?
Focus on getting through the withdrawals. Then deal with all the relationship stuff.
I feel for you. As a self proclaimed chronic fuckup I know very well how bad it is when everything that should bring happiness instead just reminds us of our failings.
here’s the thing… you’re not a fuckup, but you have been living a dangerous, empty life recently. So my advice is to understand you have value and that YOU deserve better. Then as you get sober time under your belt, those feelings of loss or failure can become shining gems that make our eyes worth opening.
I speak mostly of my experiences, but the good thing about addicts is no matter how unique our suffering seems we’re all surprising similar. So if this fuckup can grow into someone worthy of respect then so can you.
Be well. Be vigilant