I’ve been on and off this app for years. Really enjoy the company it brings me.
Having a foggy Monday morning after a bender Saturday. Things have gotten “better” … I’m not missing work, not going to bars in a blackout, confining drinking to one day a week. That’s my version of “moderation.”
I’ve learned a lot about myself. My main reason for drinking is adhedonic depression. Basically nothing gives me pleasure but this washes away with alcohol.
I don’t look forward to sunny mornings so who cares if I’m hung over, right?
I got on Prozac and gained a lot of weight, trying to lose it.
So I made another appointment with a different psychiatrist and a dentist appointment after years of not going.
I want to give AA another chance. I’ve struggled to call myself an alcoholic but who cares about the moniker.
Did anything give you pleasure before you started drinking? Were you ever happy before?
You’re right, who cares about the moniker, just get in there and feel the support, there are a lot of teachers in those rooms. People who learned how to enjoy life again. Nothing to lose, and everything to gain in the rooms.
It has been a long time! Nice to see you back and sorry you are struggling. It sounds like you are taking some positive steps. A new psychiatrist and maybe a different medication might help lift that gloom. If the Prozac isn’t working for you, something else will. Maybe Wellbutrin? Lexapro? Those two have worked well for me in the past. Prozac did not. I do hope you can find the right doctor and medication and start feeling more positive.
I can relate a lot to this feeling. I thought there was something wrong with me or that this was just how life was. Anti-depressants took the edge off, but didn’t make me happy or joyous. I didn’t even think those things were possible - I just thought life was something to be endured.
But little did I know, so much changed with continuous, uninterrupted sobriety. Now, with 10.5 months, I feel like my life has gone from gray-scale to Technicolor. I had no idea this was possible, but now I find joy in funny little things. I know you have struggled with the idea of AA in the past, but know this: it isn’t necessary to live like this. There is another way. AA is about so much more than not picking up a drink. It is about changing attitudes and perceptions and learning to find serenity and contentment in life. If you give it an honest try with an open heart and genuine willingness, what is the worst that can happen?!
I am actually going to a gay and lesbian beginners meeting today. I agree I just don’t need to live this way, but I can because nobody checks up on me. I don’t have many connections to let down.
It’s sad I need other people to give me a reason not to self destruct.
I think that sounds great. Let us know how it goes.
I find myself both fiercely independent, but also very reliant on others. My AA and non-AA sober pals and I are in very frequent contact. I really needed that because my mind can spin out easily, or I can get myself into a mental black hole. What I found in AA was other people who not only didn’t judge, but understood and could relate and reminded me that I am never alone. These people have become more important to me than a lifetime of casual acquaintances, as we can be real together.
Thanks. I went to one atheist meeting where it was all old men that looked at me like I didn’t belong there. They were nice but one actually asked if I knew where I was.
I remember you and I join the app around the same time years ago. Welcome back! I too had a slip up back I’m back and almost to day 16 in a few hours. You know what it takes and CAN do this! Keep up the good work. Move forward.
Welcome back. It’s good to see you taking all these steps to better yourself.
I can relate to the depression wiping pleasure out of everything. My bout with depression back in university was like that, and I more or less let myself become an academic machine instead of trying to figure out how to enjoy “fun” things.
My first experience with AA was not what I’d hoped for at the time, but giving it more chances turned out to be the right thing. There’s such a variety of dynamics in different meetings and you don’t really know what you’re going to get until you show up.
The meeting I love the most is one with a bunch of grumpy old men. I believe they thought I was in the wrong place too. Lol but I was there to get sober not make friends. But I did make friends and got sober. They still look at me sideways but I love the meeting. Hoping more women will join but until then, I’m claiming my seat. You can do this. You don’t have to do it alone.
I went to a Recovery Dharma meeting the other week. Haven’t been back because of timings but I got the book and it describes addiction as craving or using substances to escape present time reality, either by clinging to pleasure or running from pain. It’s the first description of addiction that I’ve ever felt able to relate to - as a former binge drinker (rather than daily drinker). The point isn’t that I define myself as an addict now, but it helped me to feel that I have a place in the recovery community.
