My deal with acceptance is to acknowledge not so much that things are how they are because of some master plan, but more to recognize that this is, in fact, the way things are.
When I get overwhelmed with self pity or angry about “why” things are how they are, I’m down a rabbit hole that has no way out. When I accept the fact that this is how things are, neither good nor bad, but just how they are, I have a much easier time getting to serenity.
Dont tell yourself that you’re never going to have a drink again… just focus on one day at a time. Thinking too far into the future can be really scary and overwhelming. It’ll make you WANT to drink knowing that you cant. Day by day if you just decide not to, then before you know it you won’t think about it anymore.
Im doing ok. I guess. My body is pretty tired. But getting better. Work Thursday and Friday was really hard physically.
The frustration and guilt are high. Trying to understand why I keep making the same mistakes. Watching my supposed fiance cry because I keep hurting her with my drunk actions. Most of witch I don’t fully remember.
Just trying to figure out how to do this long-term. My head doesn’t believe or want to stick with this. It is not just drinking. I’m just not consistent any aspect of my life. I do good for a while with stuff. Then not so much. So I’m a bit in the weeds currently. I literally went to the liquor store and bought one ¢99 shot yesterday. I need more alcohol counseling. Probably some sex counseling. Just need a plan to get the ball rolling and I know I will be fine for a while.
When I got sober, I went back to alcohol counseling with the express purpose of starting on documenting 3 continuous years or more of sobriety that I would need to get my license back after it had been revoked for life. You get one second chance in Vermont, and part of that is to have documented sobriety.
The counseling enhanced my AA step work, and brought me fresh perspectives outside of AA. It really was invaluable - I heartily recommend it as a fundamental part of a program of sobriety.