You came back. And that’s what matters. I believe a relapse can be a learning experience and if I accept that my higher power has me right where I am supposed to be, in time this experience will be an asset that I can share with a newcomer.
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I had a relapse recently and I know it is difficult but sometimes the best I can do is just sit patiently and ride out the physical and mental storm. If I believe in the program then I can have faith that I will feel better soon and will be grateful that I came through a stronger person.
Good morning. My last drunk, the hangover was brutal. And in just a few days my body was physically addicted again.
I got a little better every day.the first few days was the most uncomfortable.
The negative feelings i had about myself were harsh. I was disgusted with myself. It took about a month before I forgave myself.
When i got home i was scared. I just stayed home where it was safe.
I wanted to go to meetings, but i wasnt comfortable going. I didnt want to be the newcomer again so i waited until i had 30 days. I dont recommend that.
Looking back my inner alcoholic wanted me isolated.
I frequently visited here. Because of my relapse i didnt post much because i felt like i had nothing of any value to share.
I read alot. And became addicted to the meme wars thread. I makes me laugh, and it kept me coming here alot.
I still love the meme wars thread. Its good to me able to make fun of my issues.
Im 78 days sober now and i feel pretty good. I learned from my last relapse. And ive forgiven myself.
This is my favorite chapter of the big book. I tells my story. And validates all the insanity alcoholics do. I keeps me stronger against the first drink. I have fully conceded to my innermost self that i am a real alcoholic. I listen to it whenever im home, onshore.
I also share and ask for support when im doing something i worry about harming my sobriety. Like crab season.
Ive stayed sober through crab season!
Im really proud of that.
Do things for your recovery that will make you proud of yourself.
The shame will pass.
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You give me so much hope and support.
Ill listen to this next.
As I said before ill always keep coming back. I will reach out before its too late this time.
How are things with your girlfriend? Hope you had a profittable crab season.
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Hey your determination,will get you thru this, press that button and don’t give yourself a hard time relapse is all part of learning and recovering my friend
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We still text everyday.
I get mixed signals. Im not sure what our status really is. She is rooted in Utah. I grew up there, but i always felt like the stork dropped me off in the wrong place. I need ocean next to me.
I told her i should buy plane tickets for our next vacation, she said she is too busy this year to try and schedule anything.
I spent a few days in slc. I pictured me trying to live there again. Working construction… bleh. It doesnt make me feel warm and fuzzy.
Last time i lived in slc i was extremely depressed. I missed the pacific northwest.
I just stay focused on my sobriety.
It has been a good crab season. I love the new boat and crew im working with. Much better that the one i quit.
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Sounds like a dream
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Her being too busy has really taken the wind out of my sails in pursuing this relationship.
Its been a few days since that happened. Still processing…
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Yeah I get that,maybe once you have process that maybe a skpe or call to really find out where you stand would be a fair thing to do for you,atleast then you can either move on or move forward with her.i hope you find the answer you so deserve.xoxo
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Thats difficult because it sounds like she isnt communicating properly. We sailors prefer to be direct.
In good news im feeling a lot better. I got a sandwich down. Getting ready to sail a barge from Bridgeport to NY.
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Glad your feeling better! Im heading out on another crab trip at 330 am. I Stayed sober 3 nights onshore! 
You help me too brother! Your support helped me snap out of my relapse in Kauai!
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Hell yeah. Makes my day to hear that. Thats so nice to hear.
How long is your hitch? Get any painting in while you were back on land?
Heading back to NYC now. Housed a steak for dinner. Feeling even better now.
Currently having a great conversation with my gf about boundaries and the plan for me going forward. She has a great way of dealing with this in a healthy way. Lucky guy I am.
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We have alot of work to get done tomorrow. Could be a 30 hour grind. Were half way through the good crabbing. We will start letting our gear soak for 3 or 4 days, which means time off.
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Thats really cool youve got support at home. Building a defense against the first drink is the way for success.
Its that first drink… i stay out of the bars, and away from drinking period. After my kauai relapse, im extremely cautious.
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I just always get away with it. I start out ok a few beers here or there and by the end of my two weeks im a full blown booze hound.
I was lying to my gf and telling her i was going to pee etc and going to the bar at the ski mountain to get beer and shots which I was doing all day. I was running to other buildings to get more. I was a jerk to her. The end of the night I bought 2 6 packs so I could drink and it would look like thats why I was drunk. I wound up waking up in the middle of the night to pee on the floor.
Its always been difficult because I could somehow always get away with it. A few shooters here a tall boy there throughout the day.
2 hitches ago I stayed sober the whole time home so I wound up having 6 weeks. I think ive realized through this past relapse where I can compare it to my sober time how much healthier and happier I was.
It was great. Lots of good stuff in there. Really makes the whole thing relatable and is honest.
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Thank you! 
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I relate. I got away with it to many times. I used to believe in the perfect hangover to go fishing. Where you wake up drunk and have a few beers throughout the day.
This is my first crab season sober all the way through. Ive made it past the hardest part. I just jave to keep doing what ive been doing. Staying out of the bars, and away from drinking buddies. Keep coming here, and hit meetings when i can.
I feel really healty from not drinking. I like that
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Was finally able to get some good sleep despite work and withdrawls. The bad withdrawls are mostly gone and im so thankful for that.
As some of you may know ive been through this before.
It was strange though. I woke up feeling despressed like I havent in a long time. Not sure if I need to change jobs or what but I woke up feeling like I didnt want to be here. I had some food which helped and then got to drive the boat around quite a bit which is great because Im training. Im not sure.
Anyway not sure what triggered that this morning, but I didnt like it one bit.
However im grateful to have a few (forced) days sober and just wanted to check in.
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