I have been on this app back and forth for 7 years now. Just a few minutes ago I happened to read my old posts when I was 20 and now I am 28…Wow. No big changes at all, I feel the way I felt before with the addictive mindset I have. But I still see Pornography addiction as dangerous as any other addiction and I can feel all the havoc it has wrecked on me. Places have changed, people gone, but the only thing that remained unchanged is the addiction itself. I think back then, I had to say “today is the day” then I would not have to say that now. Well, then I have to say “today” so I do not feel the same regret when I turn 36. Time actually flies by.
Good morning, sir. Thank you for being there for me.
I have been living alone for almost two years now. I usually give in when I feel really lonely at home or bored or kind of stressed. So I have to teach myself that this is all normal stuff that people experience and when I look around myself, I see that my friends also use the same method but only in a different way, like binging on netflix, smoking etc. Now I understand it is not only what I should do to quit but also what I should not. I crave for self gratification the most when I am not able to copy the image of some certain moments in the past. Not that I really enjoy it but just to silence these thoughts.
So here is what I do:
-I love history a lot, I will buy myself history books that I can read. And personal development ones too.
- I love outdoor sports especially volleyball and football, I’ll try to take more part.
- I will start to watch good quality non-se*ual movies.
- this year I am preparing for an exam which I will take the next august to work in a different city, I will be more disciplined about it.
Great news is that I invited my dad and mom to stay with me for winter so that they also do not stay alone.
Yes, sir. I really appreciate the meaning of your words now. As life advances, you understand that each second is a valuable one. I remember one of my older friends asked me where I see myself in 15 years when I was 21. Back then I made fun of this idea but I now understand that I have to benefit from those people’s ideas who experienced more than me in life.
After a few months of intense struggle I have finally overcome the hard part of my addiction. İt is almost 8 days now. I am subtly feeling the premium side of not being dependent on something outside my system to feel okay and I cannot tell enough how relieving it is to be on track. I have lots of energy and the best part is I feel what I am doing, eating, talking and even drinking water feels more tasty. I feel like connecting to people even more. The part that is the hardest for me is that my feelings got sharper and memories got vivid that started to bother me in some way. But overall changes keep me alive. I still have brain fog that makes it hard to concencrate and I am not disconnected from social media which endangers my recovery.
I will be glad to hear your advice on how to keep it going sound and safe. Thank you everybody.
Today is the 10th day of my journey and this has been the best number within the years of struggle. I feel more connected to life and a subtle rise in my confidence to overcome difficulties has been quite pleasing. I understand that the progress is not linear but downs at nighttime can be quite challenging. Especially the last two nights I have been experiencing some sort of insomnia that makes it harder. I cannot say that I was quite decisive when I set off to the journey but now I am so down to put my life in order. But I do not want to put a lotta pressure on myself. I think for now one day at a time will do it for me.
Planning to work out again from tomorrow onwards. That is all for now.
Last night I had a relapse after 11 days. İt was a tough one to be honest and I feel quite sleepy at work now. The chaser effect is what brings me down now.
Anyway, I think I still have something to learn if it did not go well but still this was an amazing journey. Right now the only thing I am supposed to do is to cool down the heated up body.
The reason to my relapse was the late watched football game. I was supposed to sleep before 12.00 AM but the game ended at 01.00 and after that I found myself resisting sleep which in some way triggered my lonely feelings. At some point I lost the control of my mind and found myself relapsed.
When it comes to addiction, and even life itself, I have found reframing my perspective has helped me immensely.
For example, instead of thinking about a relapse as failing after 11 days of success (since that feeds the shame monster); I think of it as a “mini quit” that lasted 11 days! Wow! That’s a long time. You practiced for 11 days! Think about everything you’ve learned in that time. So when you finally stay quit, you can look back on your cache of mini quits for guidance.
The opposite of addiction is connection. I noticed that you mentioned that a few times in your posts. That you felt more connected to the world around you.
Finding meaningful connections will help you stay quit. Loneliness is a power agent working against us, especially when it gets dark. I am so glad you’re here. You’re not alone in this battle for sobriety!