I’m back… I had a weak moment. I withheld that information from my SO for 3 months. Mentally tearing myself apart. There was no right time to tell her. She has every right to be upset. Last night she woke me up at 2am bc she couldn’t sleep thinking about it. Important info here is I take high dose sleep meds and ssri ect. I wasn’t all there I didn’t say the right things. She kept saying I was making it all about me. Again she has every right to feel how she does. Me though, I’ve been touchering myself for months… I couldn’t hurt her I didn’t want to… One thing it wasn’t worth it. I’m back to a mental space I can’t get out of. I know hate is a strong word but I hate myself… For lying for even touching the drug…i was distant all day bc idk what to say it always is me talking about me… I know I do often I’m working on it but this was hard for me too… Now I’m back to step one mentally even at 3 months sobriety. Sad, depressed, and ashamed.
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Sorry to hear about the slip Emma. It sounds like you’re tearing yourself up about it - like you’re feeling shame and regret. Those are hard feelings.
What’s next for you? Do you have some plans to try something new? What new sober resources can you work on?
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How did today turn out?
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