In the chess game of recovery where every move counts, today I find myself in check. Having played this delicate match for years, I know my opponent well and I knew this weekend the game shifted in its favor.
Although I’m committed to not throw the game this time, to many things in opposition to me this past weekend occurred that I don’t feel I have the adequate amount of sober time to handle. Of all things, someone I had not heard from in over a year popped in and that alone is enough to throw me into the depths of self medicating. The feelings that this has conjured up is really too much for me right now and triggered a domino affect of ‘screw it’…
So there it is, what’s my next move? What piece do I play? How do I keep from checkmate?
Cha. I know. I don’t want to be a ‘dry alcoholic’ so I know that I need to readjust my thinking- but its hard when I was doing so good and out of nowhere someone put a flippin grenade in my path… I know it happens and I’m an adult and have to deal with it… but that doesn’t make it any easier.
I dont do people well- I’m too sensitive. But this too shall pass right?!
You’re you. You’re not anything else. Be sensitive. I know I am. You need to look deep into your own eyes and fall in love with how clear they are now that you’re clean. Look at them deeply in a mirror. Breathe deeply and think about one thing good and repeat it. You are amazing. You have a gift. Your gift is words. Feel it all. Write about it. Move through this snag.
I found a lump in my breast this weekend. It’s probably nothing but I have to check it out. I know it will all be okay…but it’s better if you’re sober
WOW! Heavy! Im so sorry that you found a lump! The lump in my throat pales in comparison to your anxieties!
And thank you for your kind and personal words. They appealed to my heart and I am not only going to go inspect my eyes to see if they are any clearer- but Im going to look and see if there is anything worth writing about in there… a metaphor perhaps.
Thank you with all of my heart- I can honestly say, your words sobered me up pretty quick- for lack of a better analogy.
THANK YOU ! Keep me updated on that lump! Scary stuff but I’m on your team!
Don’t you worry…I’ve already been through so much. All will be well. There’s no sense worrying as it’s about the future we can’t control. All I have is right now like you guys. You are so much bigger than this.
I can’t honestly believe I’m not drinking this away. It’s time for me to own up and live in the present. Thank God I have all of you…and you @Naturehippy especially with those centipedes!
Keep laughing. Take hold of what is good and fuck the rest.
You’ve helped me too through this. I may be quiet some days but I hear you loud and clear on here and you help so many. I read your post and had to get ranty when I hear a sister thinking of falling.
Wow, that means so much to me, more than you know! Usually I feel like my words are like throwing cotton balls at a brick wall. Again, thank you. You salvaged my day, my sanity, and my hope! I mean every word.
Ahahahahahah RIGHT?! Its my thinking that gets me into these messes! Glad we can talk eachohter out of it! Your my angel today and I do fear cold a little
