So. Last night my mom called me at 10pm to tell me my nana (my great grandma) had a heart attack. Now a little back story my mom and her side of the family are beey broken. There has been a lot of betrayal and trauma over the years. My mom is just now sifting through her childhood trauma and trying to heal from it. The most recent event was last summer when my yoo hoo (my great grandpa, nanas husband) passed. My great grandparents raised my mom when her family rejected her. It was a very hard and sudden loss for her and for me. Turns out the whole family knew for 2 weeks he was dying and got to go say their goodbyes. My mom had 24 hours to get to another state to say goodbye to the only man that resemebled a father to her. Only to be met with more betrayal and trauma and pain. I was permitted a 45 second video call as this was the same day i had surgery… now. With all this new information we were told the FOLLOWING day about my nanas heart attack. No one even told us she was in town. So this sparked more drama. My mom and i did go to see her tonight. Shes doing okay.
Now that on its own was hard to navigate. But I’m also dealing with this weird feeling like my childhood wasnt mine. These people i thought loved me, the family i thought i had… it seems fake. It feels like my childhood doesnt belong to me because i cant believe these horrible selfish people are the people i came from.
So i went to my best friend. She has experienced her fair share of loss recently. Ive been there for her the most a person can be in those situations. I thought mayne she would understand or have some insight. Shes always told me not to avoid asking for help just because shes going through something. But when i brought it up and brought up how my mom and I have taken care of nana my entire adult life up until all the drama picked up about 2 years ago she was really short and rude asking how exsctly we were taking care of her followed by “sorry I’m just really forward about this shit because I’m actively doing that for my dad” i replied and explained only to be ignored all day. I felt like my pain and anger at this situation was dismissed because hers was more important. I feel like the friendship feels really one sided and this is someone i think of as family that i love with my whole hear and have swallowed several emotions to be sensitive to only for her to be so mean and dismissing to me when i really needed someone.
I was ridled with anxiety all day. I still am. I just feel like my support system is already very small and it iust keeps getting smaller. Im a very co dependent person and im also very emaphetic. I woild do anything for someone i love and it hurts so much when its so blatantly clear they dont feel the same way and i was already feeling that way about my entire family. So it just added to that sinking feeling. It brought up a really familiar feeling of loneliness and lack of control or safety. It was a hard day to stay sober. But i got through it. Now i just gotta wake up tomorrow and do it again 
You have all the sympathy and support here. The bad days in the recovery journey are many. We learn how to face our problems instead of running away from them, but I wish you a better day than the day that passed.
Glad you are here and took your time to vent about all this Kc. It’s a lot to process, but it would even be more difficult when drinking. Seems like your nana is doing a bit better?
Trauma goes on for generations, your mom passes a bit to you. It’s difficult to deal with, venting helps and you just did.
About your best friend, can you talk to her about your feelings and emotions about the converstion the both of you had? To clear things out between you and her? Invite her for dinner to talk?
Just a thought 
Best friends are not the ones you wanna loose, seems like she is very important to you.
And proud of your determination, this is how we do it! 
A big virtual hug for you 
It’s going to be better!
My nana is doing much better! Thank you 
And as far as my best friend, shes not exactly the kind of person thats easy to talk to. She has her own trauma and her protection mechanism is being mean, where mine is being a people pleaser. Same type of traumas, handled very differently. Being that I’m a people pleaser i find it hard to stand up for myself. Which she knows and is usually very respectful of but it makes it hard for me to talk to her about hurting my feelings because i feel like there’s a potential for things to come out or be understood wrong and i dont want to lose my best friend. We just sorta get annoyed with each other and dont talk for a day and move on lol
Well seems like you know your friend very well and find a way to cope with eachother and not loose your friendship 
If it works, it works 