Welcome Kubozoa! It’s ok to be shy. As long as it’s also ok to be welcome! And you are welcome 
We’ve all been in your shoes. We have all reached a point where we realized we were sinking and didn’t know how to get out. You are not alone.
Make yourself at home here and read around. This is one of my fave places to find books and podcasts, and support groups (for me that was a big part of kickstarting my recovery):
Resources for our recovery
There’s a thread here about just about everything. Read around and Im sure you’ll find a lot that speaks to you!
Welcome