Hey! So, I guess before I ask my questions, I should give a bit of background (plus I’m tired of not talking about it).
I lived in an extremely verbally abusive home, with my father and step mom. And so, in order to cope I started self harming when I was eleven. That sucked. It got worse and worse until eventually my mom found out two years ago, when I was fourteen. But, like any addict, that didnt stop me! Until she found out again last year, but just like the time before, there seemed to be little action in helping me stop or finding the root issue. She did enroll me in therapy, but did little if anything else. I understand why, considering this was something she didnt have any experience with, but a little research wouldn’t have hurt…
Anyways, over time the depression and anxiety I had been feeling got so bad that I figured dying would solve my problems. I had had suicidal thoughts before, and they were even worse then, but this time was pretty bad as well. To put it simply, ya girl was far from fine! But, once again, my mom found out. This was two weeks ago.
After seeing how heartbroken my mom was and after she started really trying, I stopped self harming. But I was still in the mindset of '“you’re gonna do it again anyway, so what’s the point?” So, I relapsed three and a half or so days ago. Words cannot describe the shame that I felt. I was so disappointed in myself. I decided to try, really try, to get better. And, lemme tell ya, this has been the longest three and half days of my entire life!
So, now that THAT part is over, questions. I really need something to replace my self harming tendencies. Does anyone have any advice? I’ve tried rubber bands, but my wrist just gets all bruised and I still consider it self harm, I guess.
Also, I know its technically different for everyone, but is there a general area for when I’ll stop feeling ‘withdrawals’ ? (I feel weird calling it that, because I never did drugs or drank, but I guess it really is withdrawls…)
And, lastly, does anyone who has been to therapy have any advice? I recently moved so my old therapist isn’t available anymore, but there were a lot of things I lied about, because hospitalization would NOT bode well for me. I dont know if I should just be totally straight forward from the get-go, or if I should pace myself. One thing at a time. So, if anyone can advise me in that, it would be much appreciated!
Okay, well, thanks for reading this, I guess…
Well I’m glad you’re here for sure, welcome! In response to what you were saying about being honest. Be honest 100% from the very beginning it will be ok. Therapists or anyone for that matter cannot help someone unless they have all of the facts. I think you should reach out to @CapriciousCapricorn, she’s very wise and is an amazing person! I don’t have as much of a history as you do with the self harm but I’m here for you and so are so many others. Stay strong and have a great day!!! 
I have self harmed pretty much all my life from the age of 12… you have to talk, you are at such an age where you hormones are all over the place and what you feel I’m gonna tell you is that your not alone with any of your feelings about Anything…
There is only one of you and you deserve to be here, experiencing what life has to offer you which is so much.
Things that have been a major help with my self harm and addiction.
- drawing on myself.
- a journal
- art therapy (the words I had for myself I would draw them out: UGLY, hate… I write all the words out and place kinder words over it)
- uplifting music (when my mood was low, whack on a tune that would always make me smile)
- talking to an adult (therapist teacher doctor)
- I would avoid being on my own, I would stay down stairs for longer period of time as being on my own only made me feel the impulse more.
- getting rid of the things you self harm with
- list five posistive things about you or the people around you.
- text people/call a person and talk and distract yourself.
- find a new hobbie (puzzles, making something).
A willingness to see that you have all the tools inside you to do something different if you only see past the negatives…
A simply search of self harm support for teenagers bring up a fair few resources believe me it might feel so scary to talk and tell an organisations about yourself but they will have the right tools for you.
Reach out just like you have done here, honestly you will feel a relief.
Be safe and be kind to yourself
It doesn’t work for everyone, but when I was a lot younger I grew from a drunk dad and a meth mom and they divorced and I was bounced around all over the place and rarely got to see my two baby sisters. I didnt have any friends went to a different school every year. I became a bit skitzo and I used to burn myself with lighters to feel something. Eventually I found ways to hurt myself that was fun and constructive like skateboarding. Been doing it for years and still no good at it, but the pain of bashing my ankle with a skateboard does wonders. Plus you get to look at your ankle and laugh and try again next time. You can also go for a run and a hike. Just working out in general cause its a pain you can feel with results in the end to be proud of.
Thank you! Therapy and I have a rocky past, so I wasnt exactly sure what to do. My family and I are considering a possible evaluation, which may help as well. Thank you for your advice, once again!
Thank you!
Even though it’s only been a few days, I am at a much better place mentally. Sure, I’m not there yet by a long shot, but I’m working on myself!
Your advice is so so so appreciated! My mom us kinda out of her depth at the moment, so this is super helpful! This is the first time since I was eleven that I even thought getting better was a possibility, so I’m a bit clueless on how to help myself. So, thank you ever so much!
I love you and your beautiful advice Stella! My lord we are so lucky to have this place and each other! I have no advice on self harm Zoe but I want to wish you luck on your journey and I thank you for being here. 
Thank you so much!
I come from a family that struggled with addiction (my mom was an addict in her twenties and I have a long line of alcoholism in my family) so I can presume the root issue is a chemical thing. I may be wrong, of course, but taking into consideration my family’s history with mental illness and addiction, it would make sense that it would be hereditary.
Reaching out, two years ago, would have been totally impossible for me. Heck, two months ago I would have freaked out. But I’ve gotten to the point where I know that people who have stable emotions (i.e. not me) do not react to undesirable situations by self harming. I know that there is a root issue, and while self harm is AN issue (obviously) there is always a cause. You cant have a negative coping mechanism if you have nothing to cope with, you know?
I have never doubted my mom’s love for me, I’ve doubted the extent of it. I convinced myself that no one’s love is unconditional, so really the problem was just in my head.
I hope you are doing better since relapsing! That’s really tough. This may seem weird, but it’s a comfort to know that adults deal with self harm as well, because I feel like it is stereotyped as a teenager thing. While self harm is still a bad thing, it is nice to know that people wont expect my problems to go away the second I turn eighteen (even though that is far from being a mature adult…).
Thank you for your advice! I have always found it hard to avoid self harming tendencies, even ones that arent typically seen as self harm. But, as you said, it is all self harm. So, thank you so much!
I am glad I found this too! I hope it helps!
Thank you for that last bit of advice. I have had trust issues for quite some time, so seeing that made me smile.
Anyways, thank you so so SO much!
