Ive been there. I know its so hard. Make sure youre keeping any wounds clean and using neosporin. In the past ive found that the band aid brand no hurt patches are the best for the healing process because when used with neosporin they dont stick. Avoid peroxide, it can make scarring worse and actually slow the healing process. You can also get a neosporin with pain reliever in it as well. Please dont take this as enabling. But right now the goal is to heal both mentally and physically.
Flash backs can be SO triggering especially when theyre from a young age. Youāve been holding onto that pain your whole life. There can be a lot of guilt that comes with relapsing in self harmā¦ dont let it consume you. You had a lapse in judgement while you felt scared and alone. Doesnt mean that you cant realign your mind and try again. Were all here for you. You can do this 
Bringing this back cause im in the same boat now that I was then and i dont have the energy to say much about it. I wanna die. I think i shouldve died back when i overdosed in 2016, and it was a waste of time energy and naloxone bringing me back to life. Sorry to be all sad and shit but im really not ok right now. I get like this every 3ish months out of the blue, i blame my bipolar disorder. I have therapy tomorrow so i wont do anything drastic for at least a day. Still sober, still alive, and maybe thats all i need to be right now
I am glad you keep reaching out and sharing and that you are still here. Hoping you can get some rest tonight and to therapy tomorrow. Many hugs to you.
Have you tried Jesus Yet? He loves you and can heal youā¦I can help you to receive him
Iām glad you share and that you observe a pattern in your downs. Sometimes it helps to know itās a revolving pattern that occurs to cope and hang on until it gets better again. Sending you hugs and good vibes 
Suicide is definitely not the answerā¦ in a universe of limitless possibilities there are so many versions of ourselves we have yet to exploreā¦ i struggle with mental health too (panic disorder for me) and sometimes it feels like Iām trapped in a debilitating loopā¦ but, maybe just maybe one day i wonāt have that take up as much spaceā¦ which Iāve experienced before in chunks of time and I have to remember that when Iām in the thick of it. We will all die, but not all of us get to live so I remember that those chunks of time are worth the temporary bouts of sufferingā¦ being alive is a pretty miraculous thing,
I hope you feel a bit better tomorrow Amanda. Good of you to recognize the patern. That means that you are going to feel better after a while as well. Hope the therapy helps and give you the energy to push trough onwards to a better state of mind.
Its ok not to feel ok sometimes Amanda, give yourself permission and space for that and keep reaching out, we may not always have the answers here but are always here to listen and support you, i know for sure that the world is a much better place with you in it