Like a lot of members here, I stopped talking to the majority of the people I was hanging out with while I was drinking, mostly my family(my cousins and I were really close and drank together all the time). I’ve never had an easy time making friends and it’s not any easier now that I’m sober.
I’m taking classes full time now, and am beyond overwhelmed, so I don’t have a lot of free time but when I do I really miss having people to hang out with. I’m just shy of 6 months sober and I STILL cant manage to drag myself to a meeting. It’s really tough to make friends when you hate everyone and rarely leave your house. I’m just…sad all the time.
Goodness - if only the three of us could go to the park and have a play date!️
I hear you too, Bee. I have several really lovely girlfriends - who still go out together for wine. They are still sweet as can be to me, but they also act a bit like they don’t know what to do with me now that I don’t drink. Occasionally one will kinda whisper “How are your meetings?” with a similar facial expression to how they might look if asking “How’s that chlamidya?
I’m just starting to do a couple social things with girls from my meetings. Had tea with one the other day, and it was great.
I don’t have any words of wisdom; just know that I sure do understand.
I can’t stop laughing! Because man! Is that true or what!? I’ve gotten the slight to the side head nod paired with the thin lips expression…like they’re trying to be supportive, but really look like they’re attending a funeral…or constipated … who knows
@Beechasebee try a few open speaker nights. They usually generate a big crowd, you don’t have to say one word, definitely a nice fellowship of like-minded peeps to spend an evening with vs. home alone. The open meetings are nice, because anyone can come.
Congratulations on 6 mos! That my dear is Amazing!! Other then open speaker nights, take a pottery class, art class, knitting, woodworking, exercise, etc.
Hey, I feel you there. It’s super hard to make new friends. I don’t like the people I work with and have a hard time reaching out to people from meetings. But I know that the people I have called the most and shared the most with are people I can trust. And I found that if I just made it a point to, when I get in the car to go somewhere, call somebody and ask how their day is going, I have begun to make new friends.
i know the lonely part. When I first quit, I hated that I was missing out on my old social life. Social media was a torture device I utilized to inflict self pain. Nothing like seeing photos of my friends out having fun while I was miserable and hating people at home.
But at a certain point, I started working on cultivating old interests. Remembering things I used to enjoy a million years ago before drinking was my favorite thing. I started going to the theater again. I bought tickets to the ballet. Old passions I had forgotten. I can’t tell you how much I love watching actors and dancers get up on stage to share their art and the emotion I feel to be part of an audience that connects with them. I got out of the house and became an avid walker. It never fails to amaze me how just getting out of the house and moving can change my perspective-- it knocks me out of my head and forces me to look at the neighborhood and city around me. The walking also led me back to exercising, something I used to love to do. It also led to weight loss which felt great.
At first, i went through the motions. Filling my day with activities to take the place of the time I used to sit in bars. And then I began to really enjoy the things I was doing. Now, I turn down offers to hang out after work–unless it’s with people I really want to be with. I was never discriminating during my drinking years.
But all of this is to say, that it gets better and I recommend that you get out of the house. It sounds like you already have a lot on your plate but when you have the time, take a breath and try to remember the things you enjoyed doing before drinking.
I know exactly what you mean I am going through the same thing right now. I don’t have anyone to talk to but my mom. It really sucks. You sound just like me. Because we say we hate people yet we need human companionship and interaction. I had to ditch all my " friends" too. If you need someone to talk to Ill be here.
How cool are you! There you go, try a few 5k races nearby. You still do the race by yourself, but if you go to a few you’ll see the same people at every one. Closer to home, wave to neighbors, if ones out in the yard, stop and chat. In time & with practice putting yourself out there, this completely falls by the wayside & you’ll feel comfortable anywhere at any time
Me too. I ended a lot of friendships and a lot of people ended their friendships with me through the year! I really miss my ex-best friend of 35 years but she had just had it and I completely understand and respect that and don’t plan on even thinking about trying to mend it for at least a year of sobriety. No advice, just commiserating.
Yepp! I stopped being a super fun party girl when I made the change. I feel like I have way more interesting topics of conversation now, so clearly I need to find friends that value that more.
My husband is ultra introverted. He never went out with me and my friends (which gave me a ton of freedom) we don’t see his friends much. It’s tough.
Hi I was like that the last 5 months also going through a srperation from my man of 18 yrs. Id move in w a elderly couple sweet but Im 50 it was a adjustment. I would lock mein the room do shots & vodka cry cry crying was so lonely to. But my gf suggested I go to mtg when she found me past out on toilet swearing & cussing. She took pictures & video taped me I was a fcking Hot mess tht was 2 wks ago. AA is really hrlping i ddnt want to go but. Oh well I needed to NEVER EVER revisit that weekend again I had hit another rock bottom. I really want to be the best version of me possible, you can DO IT!!!
Sorry to hear your lonely ,its hard sometimes to mix with other people , but for me going to meetings helped me get over it and my desire not to be lonely anymore .wish you well
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Because man! Is that true or what!? I’ve gotten the slight to the side head nod paired with the thin lips expression…like they’re trying to be supportive, but really look like they’re attending a funeral…or constipated … who knows 
