AA meetings, pray, go to bed sober. That’s it for now. Keep repeating that every day till you get days under your belt till you to fine tune a plan.
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Hey Alders. Welcome. I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it…. You are in a good place right now. Coming to the realization that your current path WILL lead to disastrous consequences is a great motivator to change.
“Im afraid of what happens if I cant fix this?”
You should be afraid. I had the notion that I could walk away from my alcoholism at anytime. I suffered all of the losses and more that you didn’t mention. After countless failed attempts to first moderate and quit, I became frustrated and thought I might just give up and settle for a life as a suffering alcoholic. That would be deadly for me. I finally got medically detoxed and followed through with a plan of recovery that involved uncomfortable change and rigorous honesty. Nothing about it has been easy. I’m 222 days sober today and life is getting better by staying away from booze one day at a time. Keep coming here to communicate your progress. We are here to help ! 
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Sorry to hear that things are so difficult right now. Maybe find a way to journal or record the way you feel right now so you can remember it next time you feel like picking up. Sending empathy and hugs.
Unfortunately, I don’t have answers for you. I think everyone needs to find their own answer. For me it was almost dying. I ended up with a very bad case of Pancreatitis. A month in the hospital and then I needed to recover physically, emotionally and mentally. I lost my job, career and all my friends so yes it is something that could happen if you don’t stop. I feel for you deeply because I was in your situation a little over 4 years ago. If you ever just want to chat, feel free to send me a note.
Welcome. I’m new here as well I am on day three of my sobriety I just want to say that this community is very helpful. You are voicing the hard part.