I don’t know how to cope with what I’ve done. I was a drunk driver 2 years ago and killed a couple crossing the street. I’m still waiting to go to prison but I don’t know how to cope with what I have done. I live and breathe remorse. I just want my pain to end.
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One second at a time Dylan. As you go forward, and you will, honor not only the victims, but their families as well. You have a chance to bring change to so many addicts lives because of what you are going through. You need to just breathe right now, don’t pick up & reach out for help (as you did here). This community doesn’t judge ( God knows we have ALL f’d up to many different degrees), we love you unconditionally & are always here to support each other. Someday a person is going to hear you share your story, maybe a highschool class, an AA meeting, a support group while you are serving your sentence, or maybe someone on these message boards. Your experience maybe the only thing that when shared, prevents someone else from walking the same journey as you are. Keep sharing & promise you will not consider ending the pain. Your post deeply both touched & concerned me. I do not know what state you live in, but please Google the local crisis line (they are confidential) and call. When we share our pain, we don’t stand alone. You matter, you are loved & you will get thru this.
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It sounds like you could benefit from some professional counseling. Have you considered getting involved with AA? Working the steps can definitely help relieve some of the pain. Also, maybe you can run meetings while you’re in prison. Another forum member just went to prison last week after a close friend died as a result of a DUI accident. Here’s the thread if you’re interested.
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When I was taking AA meetings into the prison (up until COVID), I had the privilege of sponsoring a man who killed an innocent woman while DUI.
He found redemption by working a structured program of recovery, by carrying the AA message inside the facility to other men, by becoming a peer counselor, by speaking to high school groups. He was able to receive forgiveness from his victim’s family. He was able to take the tragedy that his life had culminated in and render a new meaning from it, to find a purpose in service to others, to define himself as a sober alcoholic.
This experience let me know that redemption is possible. I don’t mean in a religious sense, I mean that AA and a sober journey of self discovery can heal the wounds we have inflicted on ourselves, and the ones we love, and the strangers whose lives are changed by our impact.
Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey. The only way to handle this tragedy, without going insane, is to stay sober, to feel the pain, and get through to the other side. You nor I know what the other side looks like right now, but it is better than today, that I do know.
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