Not the kind of person to get stupid drunk, really ever, but a typical evening for me is to stop at the store after work and buy a 6 pack of pints and drink 3-6 of them. Even if I get off work after 8pm I might still drink what amounts to 6-8 12oz beers. On Sunday, my day off, I start drinking as early as 10am if Im working outside and go through 6-10 pints and maybe even some sort of mixed drinks or daiquiri before the evening is over. I guess I developed a habit and tolerance over many years of being this way. Unless I have an illness, which is very rare, or some kind of plans that prevent it I drink ever single day without fail. I medicate because I work 60 hours a week in commission sales and I have a wife and 4 step children as well as my daughter. My life is stressful, chaotic, a lot messier than my OCD would like, and exhausting. Drinking is the vacation from the day that I feel I need and deserve. The problems are numerous though. My kids associate me with beer. If they were to draw or paint pictures of the family it would most likely be with a 16oz beer in my hand. My face is red all the time because of high blood pressure I reckon. I never sleep great. I spend upwards of 200 dollars a month on alcohol and then the cost of the garbage food I eat along with it. The worst part is that I can feel myself becoming more and more disengaged with the world. My serotonin or dopamine levels are probably zero. Iāve numbed myself into a mood that actually makes life tolerable. And itās not because those around me are intolerable. Its because Iāve conditioned my body and my brain into only feeling enjoyment when I drink. Iāve known for years that I need to change that. I tell myself just get through the school year or maybe after āmake up reason hereā. Itās been time though for a long time and Iām afraid Iāll never fix it if I donāt fix it now. Iāll wind up like my uncle inhaling a beer tab while blacked out and having an xray find it in my lung after going to the emergency room a week later. Iāll wind up with a DUI because I couldnāt wait to get home from the store to open the first beer. Or my wife will simply reach the end of her tolerance of it and Iāll lose everything.
So 1 day has come and gone. If I can do it again itāll be 2 days. 3 would be the longest span without getting drunk in over a decade. So here we go.
I did forget to mention that Ive attempted to stop drinking and attend AA meetings in the past maybe 4 or 5 times in the last 15-16 years. Many many years ago I made it 30ish days and gave up. Iām not a person of faith and I guess there are some out there like me who manage to make it work without faith but I find it painfully dishonest to the point that it makes me feel like and idiot to sit there and pretend that a higher power will help me through this. AA isnāt for the atheist no matter what they say. Without faith or spirituality there is no accountability and AA fails without it. In my opinion at least.
Hi Tim, Something in your story strikes a chord with me. Hereās what I did in early days to get sober :
Remove all alcohol from the home.
Each morning, start by expressing my gratitude for another day sober yesterday.
Each morning ask for help staying sober that day. Whether or not you have a spiritual belief or practice, set an intention to look for help that day.
Read the chapter Step 1 from the AA book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. Just step 1. Itās free and online.
Donāt drink. No matter what. Get a sober head on your pillow tonight. No matter how bad you feel, that feeling will pass and you will feel better sober in the morning. I guarantee it.
What you have been doing to deal with your drinking problem has not worked so far. Keep an open mind, and do not dismiss any remedy out of hand, whether you have tried it in the past or not.
Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.
Welcome!! This is a great place to be for support and advice. Congrats on already startingā¦The early days are by far the hardest.
Try to establish a sober routine!! That was my biggest thing. Especially with OCD (I can relate), if you have a sober routine it makes it so much easier to say no to that first drink.
Welcome, Tim. No matter where we all come from, or how similar or different our stories are, thereās always a Day 1. And then a Day 2. Youāre in good company. Stick around, read a lot, reach out, ask questions.
Glad youāve joined us!
Welcome. I am glad that you found your way here, and hope you will stay to heal, learn, share, and grow.
Hereās the good news: If you can go one day without drinking, then you can go two days without drinking. All you must do is say ānoā to one drinkā¦the drink that mattersā¦the first drink. When you say ānoā to the first drink, there canāt be a second or third or eighth. You win that day. If you win that day, you can win every dayā¦forever.
Welcome, take it one day at a time, one minute, one second. Do whatever it takes. Your family deserves to have their Dad and your wife her husband. You deserve to have a life without drinking. Make yourself accountable for sobriety. Talk to your wife go to a meeting even if you donāt believe in a higher power believe in yourself and that you can do this. Weāre all here to support you.
The book āAlcohol Lied To Meā by Craig Beck has been an invaluable source of strength and inspiration to me. No higher power needed, no faith needed. Just the desire to quit. I wish you the best man! Stay strong!
Your story is similar to thousands of others and the good news is many of them are sober today. Itās gonna be hard at times so reach out on here and people will get you through it if you want it enough. Do what you are doing and carry on taking it a day at a time and donāt worry about how you feel bc we all feel something, what matters is what you do about it. I wish you well on your journey
Thanks for sharing your story here with us. Before I became sober I couldnāt imagine how to survive the day without the wine that I poured into myself each day, maybe some days less than a bottle, other days more.
Now, reading all your daily obligations and streams family issues I think, how is he managing this with alcohol. Nooo way I could do this. I donāt mean this as: respect, this is so cool but, hell, it can be so much easier without the booze.
Welcome Tim Glad to have you here!! We have many functioning alcoholics here on this forum. Myself being one of them. Life is can be so rough-family, work, faith, and self-preservation. Many people with addictions have it rough in many if not all of these aspects. This is why recovery doesnāt look the same for everyone. Donāt give up and keep working out what yours will look like. It took me many years and various efforts to figure out mine. But do start with the Big Book as stated above, pull on your strengths and work on the weak areas. We are here for you from questions to face to face support, and everything in between. Big hugs and sending you strength
Hi and welcome. For me, I had to change how I defined relaxation and celebration. Like you, my old method was to grab a drink. It felt like I was owed that after a stressful day. Not to mention that the mentality of drinking as a well deserved break/ reward/respite is reflected on our tvās, in movies and all over social media. I had to teach myself new rituals when I got home at the end of the day. I started by pouring a seltzer and squeezing a lime into a wine glass which I would drink when I got home. Silly but it helped. I avoided my usual haunts on Friday nights and instead walked to the park or pre-covid, went to a show. I spent a lot of time trying to create new ways to relax. Some worked and some didnāt. I learned how to recognize when I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and try to address those feelings and what caused them rather than adding to the mess by drinking.
Itās a process that for me requires discipline and work. The most important part for me was understanding that I was done drinking. No more for me. That clarity made things easier. I still have stressful and chaotic days and shitty weeks and tragedies but my method of dealing with those is no longer by getting shitfaced. The benefit is that I no longer add to the chaos and stress.
2 days 10 hours so far. My little brother is coming over tonight to check out my new guitar. Typically we drink beer and play all night. Tomorrow is a day off and Iāll be mowing and cleaning my garage. Another activity where a beer is never more than an arms reach away. So far so good but tonight and tomorrow are going to be tough. Iām less worried about slipping up and drinking, more worried about how boring and miserable Iāll be without it.
Nice job! Crank some tunes, prep or buy some nice alcohol free beverages like iced tea or fizzy water and remind yourself to stay present in the moment. Focus on the task at hand and meditate on the activity. Youāll be surprised how distracted you can get really diving into a cleaning project. Good for you for having a plan and thinking ahead!
Well done, Tim! Sounds like you have a good plan in place. I know itās boring but think about how rewarding it will be when youāre done. Organization and cleanliness is very enjoyable when weāre sober.