im trying so so hard to stay clean. it feels like my whole body is vibrating. like theres sugar in my joints and veins. i know that if i give in ill at least be distracted from it. ive felt like this for days now. almost a full week. but i know that if i give in i have to keep doing it to keep the distraction. and im just now over two months clean. i can’t throw that away. but i cant get this awful feeling to go away. ive tried all sorts of physical distractions but the only thing that stops it is pain.
ive tried talking to people i trust but it doesn’t stop the feeling. my partner hasn’t even talked to me since yesterday. even then no one ever understands what i mean. they just offer what they can, usually distraction suggestions or sympathy.
ive tried all sorts of distractions and redirection and coping mechanisms but even the most promising ones are useless unless im actively using them. if it doesn’t go away soon i might go to the doctor but i know if i go i probably wont get to go home. i didnt think it would get this bad again.
Hello Star welcome to the community. Congratulations on you’re clean time. I’m 62 days myself. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to. You’ve got this amazing community here and other things as well if you’re interested I can share them with you if interested. This feeling you describe is it from like an urge to want to use? And “pain” do you mean self harm? There are a lot of cool people here with alot of different ideas, and suggestions just keep an open mind.
i dont really know what causes the feeling. its an urge for sure. i know that self harming (what im 2 months clean from) isn’t a good idea but i know its as close as i’ve gotten to a “cure” for this feeling. i dont even know if using would fix this. i mean i know it wouldn’t. but i dont know what i even could use to stop it. ive been sober from alcohol for two months too, but i know that wouldn’t help this. all the pills i used to do would only make it worse too. ive tried yoga, ice, playing with the dogs, dancing, hitting myself, jumping around/throwing myself around. the closest i’ve gotten to stopping it is with sh. ive tried grounding techniques, breathing exercises, comfort shows, painting. drawing, writing… it’s like nothing is enough to stop it. i even asked my best friend to beat me up but they used an empty plastic water bottle and all it did was set the dog off. im at a loss even just trying to figure out what this feeling is. i know im rambling im sorry
I’m sorry you’re going through this there are people here going through you’re struggle who have been staying strong. One off the top of my head is @Scorpn, & @Misokatsu hopefully can help. I used to self harm from age 9 to 18. Thankfully Im not goin through this anymore but my mind is not cured that’s for sure.youre absolutely right using or drinking will not solve anything I’m glad you’re not doin any of that. Have you tried seeking professional help at all? I’ve found therapy, and at times medication helped my mental state. I hope I don’t offend you in anyway, and coming from someone who is not religious sounds like you have tried a lot but have you tried maybe a prayer for shits and giggles? Can’t hurt. I’m not saying it will work, but first time for everything, or hundredth time depending who you ask. no worry’s it’s good that you talk. That’s what you’re here for support.
its not your fault but thank you for taking the time to reply. ive been dealing with this all for over ten years now and i really dont know what else to do. i have therapy on thursday, i just have to make it to thursday. ive been off meds for two years now but my therapist says she wants me to reconsider, but im nervous. ive tried so many i dont even know all the meds ive tried, and even if i find one that works im worried about taking meds bc pills. it just feels like a losing battle when professionals don’t know what to do either. ive had some straight up tell me that what i described to them wasnt something someone could experience. ive had others tell me they didnt think anything could help. this is the year that i get back into therapy and doctors and stuff so im hoping i can at least start getting answers soon.
Man I’ve had some things told to me myself about what you couldn’t possibly be felt but in the end we know what we feel as long as we are honest about it all. I’m glad you are taking action though by seeing doctors and all that not fun stuff but necessary this year. I see what you’re saying about the pills being triggering. I guess id feel triggered to get a shot of some sort for my health but id immediately think about shooting up drugs. In the end if I knew if it was for my well being I’d do my best to see it through. Some things we have to do for our well being are uncomfortable, triggering, shit even inconvenient but if it’s for the best it can’t hurt in my opinion. I was did a brief research and there are SH zoom meetings from what it looks like, also maybe even try N.A., or A.A. they have 24/7 zoom meetings. I’m not sure what you would like so maybe Google it to check it out. If it wasn’t for these fellowships my ass would be falling off right now no doubt. It’s for sure the main reasons why I can get through 1 day at a time without a drink, or narcotic with all these emotions that hit from time to time. I myself am not taking meds this time around in recovery so this is amazing for me. In the end these fellowships for me stopped being so much about the substances issue, now it’s helping my behavior, thoughts, and feelings. Now I’m rambling oops
Welcome 
. You can certainly talk to me about sh, I can understand some. I don’t class it as one of my addictions, more that when I am feeling bad about myself, or angry at myself, or worthless, then I do it. For me, when I am working on my life in general, I don’t feel the urge to do it. So much like alcohol or drugs, it is not about learning to control the urge, although this can be necessary sometimes, in emergency situations, it is about building a life that you feel comfortable in.
Welcome to the community! Coming here and talking about it is a huge victory! It may not seem like it now, but in time it will be.
Here is the good news: if you stay clean, you will never have to feel this again.
Stay active here, it will help
Hey Starr, I am glad you are on here and checking in. I vote for the doctor/ER. If you have to stay over, there’s a reason for that. If you are using the coping tools and mechanisms and they aren’t working, you may need to seek outside help. Call your therapist and tell them you don’t think you can make it another day and seek her guidance.
If that person is a psychotherapist, their license should be taken away. The brain is freaking complex. Time for second and third opinions all around.
You are not alone. I know it feels like it. I have been there. Keep typing and chatting and working through it. I am glad you’re here.
Welcome to the community. If nothing else, take comfort in the knowledge that every single person here is rooting for your success and has struggled with things one time or another and it wasn’t easy. Strength to you!