I have been here before, far too many times. My addiction to alcohol over the past 3 years is a never ending cycle that I just want to get out of but idk how. Now my right side is hurting all the time and im thinking it of course has to do with the alcohol. Why cant I just stop?! Why is this so hard. I try everyday but then turn around and im righ back at the store buying more wine. Im so disappointed and disgusted with myself that I don’t have the will power to just STOP.
10 Likes
Recovery has not much to do with willpower. You have to put hard work in your sobriety. Just wishing will not do the trick as you can read here in abundance.
Here are resources for recovery and some good read arounds to start:
8 Likes
Well of course I know I can’t just “wish” it away sweetheart. But thanks for the resources, I will take a look.
2 Likes
Welcome back!! I know that feeling of wanting sobriety so bad and it just not sticking. I was on that merry go round of drink, shame, guilt, quit, relapse, drink, shame, guilt, etc for years as well. It is so incredibly draining in every way. 
I know a lot of people find support in meetings…in person or on zoom…others of us find support here (or both)…finding ways to distract our minds in early days was really important for me until I had built up some sober muscles. For me, I keep my focus on today and getting thru these 24 hours sober. I can make it thru these 24 hours. Have you read any books on sobriety or quit lit as it is called? Sometimes occupying my mind with that helps. And reading on here and interacting. Going out for walks or the gym. Or doing stuff with my grandson when he was around. Baking. Journaling. Idk anything but drink for these 24 hours. Then wake up hangover and repeat. But focus on getting thru this minute, hour. You are stronger than you think. 
5 Likes
Thank you so much for the advice/support! Do you have any suggestions on the books? I love to read, and reading something for my journey would definitely be helpful.
3 Likes
I enjoyed Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind, in particular her free program, daily videos and reflections for 30 days https://learn.thisnakedmind.com/the-alcohol-experiment-registration
I wished and hoped vaguely for decades. The number of times I was drinking and thinking, what are you doing? was uncountable. Actually, I wished and hoped to be able to moderate, and it took me years to truly get that for me I could never have just one. Once I let go of the obsession of being a normal drinker, it was much easier.
7 Likes
My reading is mostly woman focused just an FYI.
A few I have been recommending lately are…
This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker
Push Off From Here by Laura McKowen (I just finished and really got a lot from)
Some others I read years ago and took a lot from …
Girl Walks Out of a Bar by Lisa Smith
Last Call by Nancy Carr
The Gilded Razor by Sam Lansky (major trigger warning)
Parched by Heather King
Unwasted, My Lush Sobriety
Hopeful Healing by Mackenzie Phillips
Saturation by Jennifer Place
3 Likes
Welcome Tamia! I think you might be surprised how many times I have tried to quit my vices as well, but like many others here I’m doing pretty well so far. The fact that you have 50 or so attempts means you’re at least serious about your ambitions and hopefully you find what you need to succeed, because it’s different for everybody. I’ll give my anecdotal advice which seems to be working for me, and mainly it’s to treat myself like I’m someone I’m in charge of taking care of (like a child, a parent, a pet, whatever is most familiar. For me it’s parent) and find something better than the drug - which for me has been self-care like yoga/exercise, meditation, nutrition, education. I’m trying to direct that intense energy that desires the expedient, short term pleasure and pour it into what’s meaningful over a long period of time. I hope that helps, lots of people here have useful posts, especially in the daily gratitude and check-in threads. Good luck!
6 Likes
Thank you for your response it is really appreciated. I definitely will be checking it out!
3 Likes
Thank you so much for the suggestions, I will check them out .
2 Likes
This was so beautifully written and true. Thank you.
Wonderful responses all around.
3 Likes
For me AA was a good place to go for my drinking problem and it worked no relapse yet but enjoying a sober life wish you well
6 Likes
I haven’t heard it or said it in a while, but it bears repeating. If you’re trying to not drink, Alcoholics Anonymous is a good safe place to be.
4 Likes
Allen cars easy way to stop drinking is good, i found it really helpful early on
4 Likes
You need to find out what’s making you want to drink if it be a bad day or some past experiences. Seek some sort of help from professionals.
I know it’s easier said than done I am here for the 50th time myself it takes a lot of work a willpower so I’m doing it with you.
I am sick of waking up feeling like absolute dog muck in the morning wasting my days away recovering from a heavy night out. I think at some pont you hit that brick wall and say enough is enough. It’s a total lifestyle change it won’t happen over night it’s one day at a time.
Don’t be to hard on yourself
4 Likes
Thank you so much for your kind words Dan. Sometimes I am very hard on myself. But I know this is something I HAVE to do. Thank you for making me feel human.
1 Like
Being hard on yourself will only keep u in the guilt and shame…this sobriety shit is hard! But it can be done…make that final decision to yourself to get off the hamster wheel for good…arm yourself with every alternative to alcohol you can muster but be kind to yourself aswell, you need to be compassionate with yourself when you quit to give yourself the best chance possible to get through it, you also need like minded people and we are all here for you night and day whenever you need us, you CAN do this, if i can you can 
4 Likes
I tried to get sober 10 years ago and now I can see why I failed…. My whole mentality was odd. I thought I was depriving myself of something good, I worried my life would become boring (and others would see me that way), I felt like it was a punishment to have this addiction. I made it 6 months with this mindset, and probably mentally relapsed after 3 months.
This time is different. I think I had more motivation initially because I’m older and have had worsening consequences to my drinking. I could see where the road went if I kept it up. Funnily enough, close to the time I got sober I saw a Tik Tok of Matthew Perry talking and he said something like alcohol wants you unhappy, alone, or dead. This time around, I know sobriety is a lifestyle. Every aspect of life is related to sobriety. How I sleep, what I eat, my physical activity, how I handle stress and adversity. And I now see that sobriety is a gift. To be free of the hamster wheel that was my drinking cycle. My life was getting narrower and narrower, I was getting tunnel vision to the point I only cared and thought about alcohol. Where could I get my next drink? How could I keep drinking? How could I account for hangover recovery time? These are all chains and binds.
I am VERY early in sobriety (40 days sober tomorrow), but I’ve committed to helping all aspects of myself to build up the sobriety muscle. There are great recommendations in this thread, I’ll just say I read quit lit every day as there is so much wisdom in these books. And in-person connection with other addicts heals me on a deep level because I am breaking down the false belief that something is wrong with me.
13 Likes
Congrats on 40 days. Loved this post.
3 Likes
I’m still a baby at this and while I understand a lot of sobriety or just having a healthy relationship w something demands we control our impulses, I don’t think stressing the almighty “willpower” has been helpful for me in the past. Not now when I’m trying to address my drinking and not in the past when I’ve e.g. lost weight. Willpower thinking just feels like white knuckling, constant struggle, constantly fighting back against what I really want.
While I’ve been working on my drinking problem this time around, I think more about what goals I have and what will help me achieve them rather than what I’m giving up. I focus on how though I can’t reach for a drink I can take a warm shower, enjoy a walk, have some tea and sit w my feet up listening to relaxing sounds, etc. I think well sure I’m stressed now and before I would drink but will this actually help me stress or just push to tomorrow? After every workout I go thru I remember that is something I wouldn’t have done if I drank yesterday. When I can wake up in the morning and not treat my hangover w the old hair of the dog and instead actually have choices what I can plan for myself I remember that’s what I can do when I didn’t drink yesterday.
5 Likes