My life has been going downhill ever since i got fired unjustly from my job in August. And since i am single, the only thing i had in my life was porn, masturbation, and video games. I have never even tasted alcohol, and i don’t smoke or do any drugs, so I’m thankful for that. Porn, however, was my vice.
In a way, i wasnt even watching it for the pleasure, it was kind of like those naked people were my friends, and i would actually miss them, if i was gone for too long. Id tried many times to stop porn, only to end in failure. But in at the beginning of December, my car got repossed, and it caused a great deal of anguish.
For some crazy reason, i decided to punish myself for having my car repossessed, by immediately going to my computer and deleting my 30gb porn folder that id built over 10 years. At that moment that my car was taken, i felt like such a loser, and porn would have only confirmed that. The anguish was so strong, that I’ve stayed away from porn for over a month, and with that, i also have not masturbated.
It’s 1 month and 7 days, and now i feel like, it was worth it to have my car repossessed, if indeed it caused me to finally overcome this thing I’ve been battling for 10years.I plan to never return to porn or masturbation, ever. Sometimes the horniness makes me insane, but if i ever give up, it’s like the past 4 months have been suffering for nothing. At least now, the suffering has meant something.
Unless i meet someone who i want to spend my life with, i suppose I’m a monk forever.