Hey there! I’m so sorry I have been off the radar for a few months… things haven’t been easy and my mind has been all over the place if I’m honest.
I just wanted to stop by and say that I am here. Sometimes I come on and have a read of a few posts but currently struggling so it wouldn’t be right for me to reply right now. But I hope to soon.
I’ve decided that something needs to change. I need to start using my support network and I need to change some things in my personal life. In particular end my 7 year relationship. But I won’t lie… that’s going to be really difficult.
I have a new key worker and he’s brilliant! Instead of being in and out within 5 minutes, I spend a good 40 minutes in session with him. I’ve realised that I’m in a toxic relationship where this guy is quite controlling. And I need to break free and be independent.
Sounds amazing right? Be independent. Be free. Be you. But it’s terrifying and I’m scared.
So here I am. Not needing any advice as such right now just reassurance maybe? I don’t know. But hey
Kudos to you for recognizing a toxic situation and preparing to remove yourself from it. As someone who has been in several toxic relationships I can tell you that at first it will feel weird and scary but after a bit of time you will be amazed at how wonderful life can be without having to carry all that weight around with you. Good luck. You are strong and you deserve to be happy. You can do this!
Hey guys, so things have still been very up and down with me. I am struggling at the moment but more with my mental health. I find that the alcohol is just a symptom of something bigger going on. It’s not so much the drink but the reasons why I drink if that makes sense?
I guess I was wondering what helped you make that decision not to drink? I was there back in October and I went nearly 3 months sober but struggling to get back there. I desperately want to be in that place again but it’s so difficult.
Things in my relationship have been really tough. I know some will know from my previous posts that it’s been a toxic one but both ways… I cheated on him and he’s been quite controlling since. He has also hit me in the past but it’s something I never talk about, to anyone. When we argue I can see how angry he gets and it does scare me. But then I think that I do bring it on myself through the drink and obviously I cheated on him… I can’t say how I would react to that.
Everything is just brushed under the carpet and he doesn’t talk. Instead he’ll belittle me or make me feel bad. And I think I deserve it. But I know I have treated him badly too.
Either way I know it’s toxic, I’m just not in a place where I can go it alone. I don’t know what that looks like. I’m very dependent on him. I want to be me again and be independent. How hard can that be?
Oh @Liv, that’s got to be so hard. 7 years is a long time. This will not be easy.
But you can do this. Just don’t do it alone.
Get support. We’re behind you. It’s gonna hurt like hell for awhile after losing him. But I think your ready to move on to a better place.
You don’t want to live like this the rest of your life. Enough! Give this new life of sobriety a chance. There’s a whole new world waiting for you. And it’s wonderful.
Oh my heart is hurting for you because I know how tough that is! I’ve been there and it took me so long to leave. Since I left I have not regretted it a day in my life. As soon as I got out I realized how much my thinking was clouded and twisted. My confidence was so low, and I really did think I deserved every word he said, and that the only way to manage a person like me was to control me, hit me, and say the things he said. I didn’t realize how much it had affected my relationship with my friends and family because I was trying so desperately to hide what was happening between us. How can you (or him!) start to heal and grow in an environment like that?!
I know you feel so dependent on him because he understands you, and puts up with you, and you feel like you’ve been a bad girlfriend - but you will surprise yourself at your strength and abilities once you leave! And to be fair, he will probably heal and grow a lot more on his own also… I know my ex didn’t start to face his demons until after I left. Just be safe in leaving, ok? Do it in a way you know you won’t be physically hurt!
I hope you find a way to leave so that you can blossom but I know it’s a very hard road! hugs hugs hugs
Thank you for all your replies and support, I really appreciate it. So today is day one and although right now I don’t feel very strong, I know I have to do this. Sobriety will mean freedom and give me the strength I need. I need this.
