There’s so much out help out there in peer support. In real life, online, christian, humanist, scientific, buddhist, I am sure islamic and hinduist too.And then there’s stuff like this forum which is nothing in particular but for me it’s all at the same time. The main thing is to know we are NOT alone. You are NOT alone. We are in this together and together we can do this. As addicts, as alcoholics we were alone. Now we are working on a new life. We do it one day at a time and we do it TOGETHER. I’m very happy you’re here with us @iwearroses Tais. Together we’re stronger. Find you own way with everybody’'s help here. Hugs.
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I want to share my worries now, but i am afraid to be too annoying. Though i know i’m in recovery community and we’re supposed to share, it helps. Haven’t done this for so long. I was feeling ok in february, sober for 1.5 year, felt i can deal with this life, found balance, hobby. And decided i can push myself out of comfort zone, finally move to the city of my dream, i knew it would take several months for adaptation, that it will be hard, but i thought i became strong enough during my sobriety and 12 steps program. New job, first 3 months of “test period” were extremely uncomfortable, i was afraid to fail, so much stress, and it was all in my head. All that time i was not sober, i drank during weekends and evenings. During relationship we also drank with boyfriend, and i didn’t love him and wanted to break up, it was also big stress. If i was at least sober, who knows, how would i deal with stress, would i have this stress. To sum up, i quit AA and did many things to make living harder, and barely can manage life now. Hope for the best. At least today my brain does not convince me to buy alcohol, and i know on tuesday i will meet with a woman that can become my sponsor, so there is a reason not to drink, and there be a reason tomorrow and many days after. Talked to another woman from the meeting now. I start to remember what it’s like being not alone and in supportive community, which helps to get out of your head, where thoughts are always the same leading you to black hole.
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Yeah that’s where i spent 2 years, some of these groups in Moscow were my home groups)) Now going to meetings in Saint Petersburg
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You can never, ever be annoying. 
One of the weird things about addiction is it’s about erasing ourselves from life. We pretend our time & ideas don’t matter (we’re afraid of inconveniencing others; often we feel like we don’t matter), we pretend our health doesn’t matter (we kill ourselves with the substances we take), we pretend that we don’t matter, that we don’t deserve to be present, fully grounded, stable, in life, with the people here.
We pretend that we don’t belong, that we don’t matter. We fear that we’re not good enough to be here, so we run away. (Where does this idea come from?)
You always matter, Tasia. You always belong. Yes, you are uncertain sometimes; yes, you have as many emotions as the rest of us do. That doesn’t mean you don’t belong.
You had a lot going on:
- move to a new city (St Petersburg is big! There’s a lot happening there; and moving is always a challenge, with new people, new surroundings, sometimes new rules.)
- you had a lot of stress - new job, new place
- you were afraid to fail - you were afraid you were “not good enough”
Anyone would feel intimidated in your situation. The disease of addiction is “cunning, baffling, and powerful”, and it is with us our entire lives, just waiting for us to let our guard down. It got you this time, but it doesn’t have to get you again. You know what you need & you know how to do it.
You mentioned you have a hobby. What is it?
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Also - let me just say - St Petersburg is at the top of my list of places I would like to visit if / when I go to Russia. The culture, the sights. The people. I think it looks so exciting. I would go to the Hermitage, the city centre, walk along the banks of the Neva… I could stay in St Petersburg for weeks and I would never run out of things to do.
It’s something about northeastern Europe. I feel the same about Helsinki. Tommi posts about it here:
Ok - done my fanboy moment. Back to reality
I crochet. Hats and toys. But it does not combine well with alcohol) Hope if things are ok af work, soon will crochet socks for cold Saint P autumn
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Oh i didn’t know Helsinki looks this much like Saint P) need to visit it!
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It’s not far from you - definitely go check it out. (To think Tommi gives those photos away for free. He should charge Helsinki Tourism Office for promotional advertising 
)
Your crochet looks amazing! So cute 
It’s nice to be creative. It feels good
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Been to St Petersburg few years ago also Tallin Estonia , , AA will give you support but i found if i put the effort in then it was easier to progress in the program had a great sponsor sadly passed away ten years ago now , but he taught me alot i was lucky scotland had hundred of meetings when i came to AA never had to go back out and try again , my sponsor said at my 20th sober birthday you were stupid when you got here didnt know anything just did what you were told ,if i was a smarty pants then i feel it would have been a long road to recovery , but to day im a smarty pants thanks to AA lol Dont think my wife would agree lol wish you well
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How are things Tais?
Hi, Matt! Thanks for asking! I’m sober for 7 days, go to AA meetings and speak there. Told my partner about my decision to stay sober. Things are ok so far😌
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Lovely! It’s nice to get it out in the open - it’s like cleaning a room: open the windows (
) dust the shelves, sweep the floor, and invite people in. Once we’re in community, once we’re connecting with people, it helps keep us afloat.
Take care Tais and remember: you’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
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I think i will continue with this thread. I’m on day 1 again, been sober for 16 days and then drank all weekend. It has never been so complicated to quit, during last 4 months i’m really struggling. Though i can stay sober for 7-40 days, my head finds a way to convince me to drink a little, and then i drink more, anyways, you know it all.
I noticed that after binges i stay sober for longer time. After non-binge drinking, for example during evenings and not much alcohol, it is harder to stay sober, because i think “ok i drank and nothing bad happened”. Looks like my main motivation is fear, and the more i am terrified with last drinking, the longer this fear lasts, but it always goes away and instead i think “maybe alcoholism is not a life-threatening problem for me”. It is still hard to admit i’m an alcoholic, part of me doesn’t even want to write this post, feels uncomfortable when i think i need full abstinence.
I visited AA groups recently and thought about returning to 12 step program, found a woman who was ready to meet me and maybe be my sponsor. But i just can’t go there again. I don’t want to live by Big Book principles, i can’t get indoctrinated again, and i hope it is not my disease turning me away from recovery, but rather personal choice of a way to recovery. But i can’t see it unless i succeed any other way, and don’t want people to tell me i have the only choice - AA or death. I beleive there are more options.
I would like to ask the community, do you have any routine that helps you stay sober and comfort yourself? In AA i had calls to sponsor daily, wrote gratitude lists and prayed, now i rarely do this, i lack discipline. Also it is really stressfull time now and i often drink to feel at least some relief. How do you cope with stress and hard lonely times, what do you do?
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There is a variety of experience here.
I’m an AA guy but not radically so. I do pray you find a way that works for you. Alcoholic drinking will harm any of us and does kill some of us on a regular basis. And you know how fulfilling and beautiful a sober life can be. 
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Thank you! Exploring WFS today, found it in this list of resources
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Many roads to recovery, but the successful ones usually involve community. TS may be it. I also use AA locally and joined The Luckiest Club for virtual meetings. I’m at a place of great peace right now, and my community of sober peeps is a huge part of that.
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I can relate to trying all other means to quit moderation, get locked up, stay home, use so much till im blue in the face, nothing worked until i knew there was no other way out. It was either continuing on the dark miserable road in addiction or die. For me its the mental twist that thinking of i dont have a problem anymore when the problems start to arise again. Its all fun and games till someone gets hurt or killed then back to reality for a bit then to testing fate walking the line. A friend told me once its simple just dont drink, i never could just not drink. But further along my road to recovery i see the signs a little clearer now and i do have a choice, an i choose not to turn back down the dead end street i came from an all the addictions that have consumed a major part of my life. I cant do it alone i need people like everyone here to keep me reminded that my options are pretty simple i can live or i can die, if i keep working on being sober i get the chance to live and make things better for days to come. Find what works to help keep you on your path, wish you well glad you made it back here.
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Hi Tais, how are things?
I’ve been off the forum for awhile this month but getting back now; I’m catching up.
That’s something I think a lot of us feel, off and on, as we recover. Anytime we change in life - anytime we learn something new - we use discipline to move forward.
Interesting - I looked up “discipline” in Russian: Дисциплина - and it has (almost) the same pronunciation as in English. The two words probably have the same origins in Latin.
“Discipline”, from Latin discipulus: pupil, student, follower. Someone who’s learning from others with more wisdom and experience.
Wise voices above me here have shared their learning journey and about the importance of community. I feel the same way. All the progress I’ve ever made in life has been with some type of community connection. It’s always been about some type of give and take in a group.
Did you try a WFS meeting? How did it go? Are there other things you’ve been trying? Hope you’re safe and feeling ok about yourself.
You’re a good person who deserves a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.
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Hi Matt, thanks for asking!
24 days sober now.
Since may 2021 i’ve been in Sober One program, it’s made by russian psychiatrist-narcologist, he plans to launch this app in America soon. And we have a chat of this recovering comunity, i didn’t write much in the chat in last months, but now try to integrate into that community. We share, we write weekly and sometimes daily journals, support each other, discuss things about recovery. I didn’t try WFS meetings yet, it might take time for me to get familiar with WFS, by now i only know they exist and what they do. And talking live in english for me is a bit challenging 
I am a little afraid to confess about it, you know, like i may seem to run away from recovery and hide. I don’t know.
Now what i do is everyday journaling in Sober One - did i drink, how much, what were the triggers if i wanted, what happened during the day, how i feel. Also every day i do tasks from this program and reach out to the chat, share and support.
It seems to be less powerful than 12step community, but at this moment seems to be enough.
What about your current routine? What do you do every day for your recovery?
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I have a counsellor at a sex addiction recovery clinic while I visit every two weeks, and that is helping, although honestly I am missing the group I used to attend. I attended a group for 1 year, every week, and it was the most connected I felt (it helped that everyone there was recovering from more or less the same thing).
However if I am honest I need to make some changes. I have struggled recently and I think the solution is to find more sobriety contacts, and engage with them, daily.
Talking Sober is helpful and is a wonderful community, but for me one on one conversations and especially in person (or at least telephone / chat) is by far the best way to stay connected.
I will search for more daily accountability. At the moment I am exploring online communities but I will also look at in person meetings in my city - something like SMART Recovery which is not specific for one addiction.
Thanks for asking Tais - I appreciate it. Im happy to hear you’ve found Sober One. I lived in China for several years and I know how it feels to communicate across that language barrier. It is an additional barrier in an already difficult journey
You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life, where you can be your full self, with people who respect you for who you are. Have a good day tomorrow Tais!
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