Hi everyone
it’s happened again. I relapsed and relapsed bad.
I have this gut wrenching feeling of guilt and grief because I succumbed to my addiction.
I have limited access to AA meetings where I live.
I need help to start some kind of step programme or steps to stop drinking and start living life to the fullest.
Any help would be greatly appreciated
If you want to participate with AA, there’s lots of it on the Internet. I think you’re supposed to look at ‘in the rooms’. Other people will come in and tell you where to look. Also lots of support here.
Welcome. I hear your pain, and shame, I was there many times. I did AA totally online, it worked for me.
You can find a meeting going now, or any time of day that suits your schedule.
Meeting Directory – Online Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous
It might take time to find a meeting you gel with, so keep trying. You can filter for what would suit you. Then, you can get a sponsor who will guide you through the ‘steps’ of AA.
There are other programs too, called SMART, and Recovery Dharma. But making a structure to recovery is important I think.
As well as finding AA sort support, in tandem to that think about what actions you can take to help yourself, this is another string to your bow.
Grab a pen and paper and write down what happened with the relapse and how rubbish it has made you feel right now. Get it all written out.
Keep that and next time you even slightly feel like the alcoholic voice is saying a drink will be a good idea, take out the notes and read them. This will be an excellent reminder of the consequences.
I feel for you, it’s an awful feeling 
as previously suggested, online AA do some great meetings if you struggle to get to one in person. There’s always a 24hr one on there too. Keep reaching out on here, maybe do the “check in” and/or “gratitude” to help maintain your focus and feelings. Sending positive and healing vibes 
I begin every day by reminding myself that I am an alcoholic and that drinking will only make my life worse, not better.
I don’t drink or even think about drinking bleach or ammonia, and I mentally put alcohol in that same category of a killer liquid. No more phony romanticism about supposive benefits of booze !!
Sorry to hear you are struggling. Try the free online 30 day alcohol experiment and get curious about the addiction habit. That helped me kickstart my sobriety