I wish I were posting about how I’ve been clean for over 40 days, but the truth is I gave up after 40 days. Since then I have had a couple stents where I’ve gone 8 to 12 days, then I talk myself into having a drink because I think I can handle just one or a couple. When am I gonna learn to not trust that inner voice that tells me it’s okay to have just “one”? That voice also tells me drinking hasn’t caused neuropathy. I.AM. ALWAYS.WRONG. I go a few weeks w/o alcohol and get to feeling pretty good, then I immediately think I can allow myself to let loose. I literally have physical ailments caused by drinking and still choose alcohol! WTF!? If I don’t stop soon, one day my symptoms will be permanent! I pray I have enough strength to let my body heal and for me to recover the person I am supposed to be.
I was active here. I spent all my free time on here.
How active have you been?
Getting sober goes far past “just not drinking”. Its about learning how to live again. Most of us needed help. Have you thought about trying AA, SMART, Dharma Recovery…or any other recovery program?
Good point. I need to do something different. At the very least being more involved on here.
Awe i really liked this post it was very well said. Are you currently still drinking or have you been sober for a bit ? My mom used to drink and she drank nothing but FIREBALL 
and that stuff is nooo good i know that it’s horrible for your stomach. I never cared for drinking much in my years of addiction was more harder drugs like meth and heroin i really struggled with, but sounds like you have the ambition and spirits to truly quit down deep and you sound like a really good person. You just need to take baby steps and take one day at a time and i promise things will start to get easier along the way and then you’ll find your old self like you mentioned to start rising to the surface more and more. Here to chat anytime 
Stephen, that neuropathy is going to get both worse and permanent if you don’t stop. Is alcohol worth it? Is alcohol worth more to you then dedicating your energy to getting sober and living a life in recovery with a solid plan to help you get there? Are you done digging?
Thank you so much! I appreciate the sweet response.
Honestly by the sounds of it you have everything to gain from not drinking, stay focused with the positives from that alone its a start at least from there on out what helped me was writing a pros and cons list when it comes to the alcoholic or addict voice that you may have seen reading around it helps to have something to visualize when times get tough or rather loud, its possible and can be done. It is rather the hard work thats worthwhile in the long run. Keep it simple one day at a time dont know if meetings may be your thing or not, regardless there is always the message of experience strength and hope in those rooms
Yeah that’s the insidious thing about alcohol. Same for me. I can have a few because I’ve been sober a while and have been taking care of shit, right?
You say you’re already suffering from some neuropathy. Well, you already know it’ll only get worse if you don’t change. You don’t need me saying it to you. It SHOULD scare you into quitting for good but I understand how much of a catch 22 it is. Gotta have a drink to calm the nerves from that right?
I hope you can look at it this way.
- You already know and admit you have to quit, that’s step 1.
- You’ve sought out channels for help (at least here you have, try more, doctors, rehab, AA, ask a doc. for Antabuse or Naltrexone even, etc.)
- I say this to others, because it helped me a lot. If you see it as something you have to FIGHT, you’ll always have a twisted relationship with it. Try, if you can, to see it as something you have to LET GO OF. It’s not a monster you have to slay. It’s a grief hang-up that you have to make peace with and let go of.
You can do it, there’s absolutely no doubt about that. You just have to commit, even I have a problem with that, but… crazy thing is, we can all see it, can’t we? We can all explain it and see it and make sense of it in the moment, but it’s an insidious thing. So, you’re not beyond help yet. Go, do something, to get yourself help. Look at rehabs in your area. I don’t have insurance, and had no money but found a state sponsored rehab that took me in for 30 days and got me in touch with a dr. and therapists (at the time I did it to placate my sisters, I wasn’t ready to quit, so I still struggled with it afterwards). But there are resources. Find them, utilize them. Last resort go to your doctor and beg to have them put you on antabuse for a few months. Hell, I’ve known guys who had to show up at the police station every night to take their antabuse pill in front of an officer. If it’s really that bad there are avenues you can explore to force yourself to get help.
But, don’t give up and don’t get overwhelmed. It’s not a monster you have to slay, it’s a hang-up that you have to make peace with and let go of. Life can be so much more fulfilling if you allow yourself to get outside of your alcohol comfort zone and do something constructive.
I also tried to drink just one so many times with the same result every time. Then someone on here told me about playing the tape forward. You basically imagine the whole bender all the way to the end. It goes like this:
Choose your beverage and choose your setting. I always picked my pint of choice at my local bar. You order one (we’re just going to have one, right?) and drink it. That was good, tasted good, felt good but if I can have one I’m sure two won’t be too much of a problem. Have that second (mentally) and the third through the 8th or 10th. Stumble when you leave. Ask to pay your check 4 times or walk out forgetting to pay. Try to find your car or navigate your way home. Stop at the store on the way to pick up more booze. Drink everything in your fridge. Wake up. Feel that hangover, check your phone to see what you did after you stopped remembering.
Yours might look slightly different from mine but the moral is alcoholics can’t control or moderate their intake. Accept that about yourself and don’t drink that first drink. You can’t help yourself at drink 4 or 6 or 7 but you are in control of deciding not to take drink number one. Don’t pick up that first drink today, then repeat again tomorrow. Once the days pile up and you add tools like playing the tape forward and sober conversations on here with people who also struggle it gets easier to say no to that first drink. Until then play that tape all the way to the pounding headache, the “did I leave my front door unlocked again” moments and the dry mouth of a nasty hangover. Get to quitting. I have been free from all that nonsense for a year and some change because of all the wisdom I’ve picked up here. Welcome aboard.
Trust me. You will not find the answer until you can admit hopelessness against it and it’s made your life unmanageable. Took me a min and I’m still stuck there but is a lot of good advice on here but another group such as AA because this illness is unforgivable and a beast.
Hi Stephen and welcome!
I need to do something different.
That’s 100% my experience. What I did different was things that help grow my sobriety, not just things that are good for me or things to replace drinking. Going to the gym, eating right, drinking more water, all good things. And none of them keep me sober.
It was important for me to do, to take action. Waiting for inspiration or the right conditions or just intending to was never enough, it did not change my behavior. My behavior did change my thinking, pretty rapidly and sustainably.
Reading quit lit,gong to alcohol counseling, working a recovery program in AA, being active here, taking Antabuse, these are the things that got me sober and keep me sober. Some things I did early on, some I added to the mix later.
Here’s a topic full of ideas for you to try.
Thanks everyone for their input! I appreciate the support!
You’re not alone, don’t ever feel that you are.
Well well well, I would say this was great you did a awesome job great story and well said if you ask me. Keep it up ! How many days u got sober now ???
I’m on day 4 right now. I’m feeling pretty good and positive I will keep it going!
I am at exactly 400 days today!