Thank you…
Have you visited? Have you tried to call? Can things happen at rehab yeah doesn’t mean he is doing anything. It does seem odd to me that you have not been to visit him. Are you trying to send a message?
It sounds like he purposely left your name off a consent form? I know my rehab wanted to have family come up at least once for some group style therapy. It seems odd he can’t get a call or visitation.
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I’ve been cleaning myself up on the outside so that I can keep my job and my apartment.
It’s been tough but, very rewarding…things are way more clearer.
I’m glad you are getting yourself stronger. Truly as harsh as this sounds keep your focus on you. Acceptance is the key to my happiness! That’s what I had to repeat over and over to stay strong. I do hope that things work out for you. But don’t force someone/something that is not ready. Okay here’s the quote that saved me:
Acceptance
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
“Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.”
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Thank you for those words!!! I needed to read something like that.
But I do have one question…why not tell me himself he’s not coming home…his friend came last night to pick his belongings up. He could be out already…
But, like you said…I need to focus on me. It’s just inconsiderate and disrespectful to leave me with everything.
But, I will be taking up new hobbies such as motorcycles.
I’m sorry there is nothing coming from your partner. All I can tell you is for some time and a lot of work the rational side of the brain is broken. And truly in many it is very weak anyway. So remember time will help whether that’s for the better or not… if you pour your energy into fixing yourself it will be worth it
Thank you for listening to me…your words really helped…I truly appreciate it.
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Thank you…my gut kind of told me that before but, I needed to hear it from people who really know. I’m almost sure it’s over. I just want the respect to hear it from him.
We’ve been together for ten years…just a little decency would be nice. But it’s hard not to go stir crazy…and as I stated earlier…I’m 110% sure he cheated. I can feel it…but, I’m recovering as well and life is a lot brighter. I don’t think I’ll date for a while.
Once again…thank you for your candor.
If he’s not cheating, he’s at minimum inconsiderate - so you have to put yourself first and concentrate upon getting yourself straight.
If he is cheating, see above.
10 years is a long time, but this just might be the best thing to happen to you in a while. A fresh start.
When I left for help a few years ago I didn’t want to go home right away only bc I wanted to get a game plan on my recovery first. They barebones me with the basics and I was barely ok. I just needed a little time to adjust and things to cool off at home. I didn’t cal my husband either. I love him but I needed that break to screw my head on and figure myself out. 6 years later and 17 total years we are still together. Don’t fret your partner is trying to put their recovery first. That’s what they teach you. In the mean time don’t think he’s cheating. It will just make you a wreck. Work on your recovery n take this time for yourself
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I speak weekly w someone in a very similar situation. Her husband is in counseling for alcohol and they are in marital counseling due to his infedelity. She feels other have turned a corner and he seems to be working toward maintaining Sobriety. She is cautiously optimistic.
Along those same lines, we’ve all seen this turn out badly. My advice is the same for you as it was for her.
Your heart is yours. You are responsible for guarding it. Addiction is a hard mistress on the addict and his/her significant other. Your emotional health is always your responsibility.
Best,
Chandler
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Those words couldn’t be truer…
Well, my husband came home…no kiss on the cheek and not even an “I love you”…that really freaked me out today. He was here in our home for the first time since he went to rehab. He said…he loves it here but, he’s not coming back here.
Sooo…I guess like you said…gotta watch out for my heart ultimately.
That’s what I did…hahahaha…I sobbed everyday and night and worried about cheating because, he has done it before.