Intimacy in a Relationship that the addicted almost destroyed

Hi, maybe you can relate. As an addict you often do not realise what you do to your self and your relatives and loved ones. I feel that way. I needed an eye opener, a 5 piece letter written in blue and tears from my girlfriend. Happened this easterholidays. We talked alot and it came to the question if i should leave her and my daughter untill i got my shit together, thankfully it did not happen yet, we sleep in the same bed and are more intim than the years before :slightly_smiling_face:. Now i want to proof her how much i love her and the baby and that they are my world. Im two days without alcohol but i did harm them over two years. Maybe you have the same experience and can share you thoughts. I know that i have to get sober for me, for me and my self to not harm me and others again. Im very thankful for my gf and my parents supporting me so much.
Love to you and have a nice sober day. 🫶🏻


Hey there bud :slight_smile:

Well done in making that decision for yourself and for your family :slight_smile: Its really common to decide to get sober for someone else and it’s usually the case but it’s imperative to make sure that sobriety is for you first. Your family aren’t the reasons you drink - Your reasons and you are the reasons you drink. Id definitely advise getting to some AA meetings for sure; you sound like the perfect person who would really benefit from it!

As far as intimacy with your wife goes… We don’t really talk about sex for some reason, we probably should. As your last drink gets further away, you’ll find the sex gets better and more meaningful for sure. If you’re talking about next level intimacy then the more you clear out your mind and make room for good things, that will strengthen too. Again, the steps of AA will help you to do this. All the best sir :slight_smile:


Good to have you here bro. Heaps of great young men like you here with similar stories with plenty of advice to share. Definitely check in daily on the daily check in thread, always good to have more people there to see on the daily:)

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Yeah thats the point I hope we can get on another level of intimacy including sex etc. the point is I messed up long time and I know I can not expect big progress. Still looking forward to the point and get excited like the first time :sweat_smile:
Thank you for your advises and kind words

Congratulations on deciding to get sober. So the only way to do this is to just do it. Sounds simple right? Things don’t get fixed overnight. For us two days sober can feel like a lifetime and a great achievement ( which it is). But to the people we hurt it’s just another promise that they gotta worry about being broken. So put your head down and push forward everyday and do the next right thing, and eventually people around you will know your serious about. You won’t even have to say it. Good luck, reach out on here if you need anything :v:

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Thanks man, nice and wise words. It’s the constant struggle to remind myself, I fucked up I need to do better. I can’t expect her to be fixed because i am just at the beginning. It’s hard to get my mind straight now that I desire her so much and I have to give her time to love and enjoy me again.

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Exactly bud. Things have a way of fixing themselves most times. Just concentrate 100% on your sobriety first and everything else will fall in right where it’s supposed to.

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The further you get from your DOC, the more like yourself you will become and it was likely that person she fell in love with to begin with. Time and effort is a wonderful healer.

I decided to address my problem a year ago, and whilst it hasn’t been plain sailing (many relapses), each relapse has gotten shorter and each sober stint longer to the point where I finally feel like I genuinely prefer sobriety to the alternative. It is not a struggle because I no longer want to drink. At the outset, all I wanted to do was drink and every day was a test of willpower. Guess what? Willpower alone doesn’t win.

The point of this is that my relationship with my wife has improved dramatically because she sees how hard I’m trying and respects that. I’m no longer pretending I don’t have a problem or lying about where I’ve been or how many drinks I’ve had, hiding bottles, etc. I’m just being me, authentically, and trying every day.

Keep trying, every day, and things will continue to get better for you.

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So nice to hear that you and your misses come along bro. It is very motivating hearing all your story’s and the inspiration and motivation i get from that is incredible. I definitely can address my problem and work on myself. A good thing for me is also looking on our old photos and how happy we used to be also the nu**s damn we burned for each other!:face_exhaling: ah thank you man this is just more motivation back to a normal/ better life 🫶🏻

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I can fully relate. I get a good amount of days behind me and feel fantastic. Then convince myself I can handle having one beer and end up sneaking around drinking and either gettting way too drunk or half cut and foggy brained. Either way all I’m doing is shutting off to myself and all of my loved ones. It’s selfish. The only thing I can say is don’t give up. Your family is more important than anything.

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You can if you put big effort in!