So today is day 16 without a drink and feeling solid. Granted I’m a binge drinker and going anywhere from a couple of weeks to a month without drinking isn’t unusual. But I feel good, I feel like I’ll be able to make this stick for… Ever? Not only does that sound hard as hell, but I’m not sure that’s even what I want. I feel like I’m headed in a really good direction and I know that’s due in large part to me deciding to abstain and really focus my energy on my future. But when I imagine my future I don’t imagine myself not drinking. I’ve always felt like my drinking was a way out because I’m so dissatisfied with where I am and how little I’ve accomplished. But what about when I’m finally in a good head space and don’t need a way to escape? Do I still abstain? Is this just something I now have to struggle with for the rest of my life? I feel like avoiding alcohol isn’t the same as beating my addiction. I don’t want alcohol to control my life in any way. I don’t want to let it prevent me from being who I’m supposed to be, but I always don’t want to live my life battling with it. Is it not possible to get back to a place before things went too far? Have I fucked myself up to the point that I can never just be a normal person who can have a drink without it undoing everything?
It depends on what you consider normal. Drinking is a very accepted pastime, but is it normal?
Well I think it’s abnormal to do something one day and not be able to stop for anywhere from a few more days to a month. So drinking itself may not be normal, but being able to drink and stop I think would be a normal thing to do.
I’ve contemplated this a lot and, like you, wonder if there’s a point where I will be able to reintroduce alcohol in a way that is not destructive…but you’ve said that alcohol interfered with your life to a point where it was making you really dissatisfied. If you decide to remain sober, you will always know that no matter what ups and downs life brings you, alcohol will not have played a role. And that’s pretty powerful.
I’m such a fan of the one day at a time concept. I don’t have to drink today. Whatever good or bad thing may come today, alcohol will not have played a part. It sounds like drinking didn’t bring you anything that was truly important to you, but sobriety IS.
Today you are sober and powerful!
I like the one day at a time concept too. I tend to get swept up in my thoughts and anxieties. I always need to be reminded that I just need to focus on today. I know that right now, at this point, sobriety is definitely the answer for me. I have a ways to go before I get to where I need to be. I can contemplate this all when I get there.
Thanks for reminding me @ClearSky
Alcohol is poison. Find other outlets to “escape”. Do you like any sports?
The thing is, you’re a binge drinker @Tukansam.
Is that ‘normal’?
The medical community (at the moment) considers bingeing to be the worst form of alcohol use.
And by bingeing I guess you’re talking about what I used to do - drinking ridiculous amounts of booze to the point where the latter half of the night’s a blur, or worse, no memory at all.
And that was when I binged, before I started buying booze for the house, before it was every weekend, then every night, then every day, then any time of the day, then starting when I woke up.
Normal is a glass of wine or two or a pint or two, a couple of times a week!
Don’t think about forever - that’ll frighten anyone off! One day at a time’s all any of us can reasonably commit.
And if you want to prove you don’t have a problem, instead of bingeing have a couple of drinks and see if you can stop and FEEL COMFORTABLE with it - and not WANT another drink for a week or two, or a month.
That’s what the people who can handle booze responsibly, who don’t have a problem, do.
If you can, abstinence is probably not the only way for you.
I still ask myself the same question after 100 days without a drink. The way I rationalize it is that I don’t have to talk myself out of any other part of my life except drinking. In other words after a bad or good day at work I don’t have to tell myself “I better not have one taco cause I’ll end up having 15” or “no movie theater tonight or I won’t leave until I’m about to pass out”. The day that I don’t even think about having a drink to celebrate, unwind, mourn, be happy, destress, etc. is the day I will be free. I haven’t had that day yet.
Great post @Sparky.
When my stepson decided he’d had enough of smoking he said ‘I’ve been thinking about this a lot - I am addicted to cigarettes, because I like pies, but I don’t have 20 pies a day’.
So true, and still makes me laugh years later.
Yeah, i know what you mean, same thoughts … but it’s not worth it at all. It’s not about quitting something good, it’s more about launching yourself into something great.
If you are am addict, abstinence is the only way.
"One is one too many. One more is never enough."
Best,
Chandler
Hmmm… I keep seeing this question a lot on this community. I’m intrigued.
What should be the big deal with living a life without alcohol? I’m not an alcoholic, and I’ve only had a few sips in my lifetime. I’ll probably never drink again. I don’t want to. It’s not appealing to me. And the thought of being concerned about whether or not I have another drink in my lifetime simply does not cross my mind…ever.
This sounds like a question that an alcoholic would ask.
I can’t answer the question for you but abstinence is what works for me. I never saw the point in a single glass of wine or a single beer or even two or three. I wanted ten. When I went to parties, I made mental inventories of the number of bottles, determining if there would be enough to support my evening of fun. I would easily turn down a single drink if that was all I could have because one did nothing for me. I liked the free fall. I was going for the big finish. I don’t drink like “normal” people and I don’t care to. Now that I’m not drinking myself into never-never land, well, the living is easy.
I think it’s different for everyone but I do think it will always show it’s ugly face again and it may not be as easy to pull your ass out of the addiction…
What is it really worth to you? Ask yourself in this time of sobriety have you missed anything from drinking? Or what have you gained? Would you gain anything?
I myself HAVE to drink nothing at all bc I cannot stop and I did for MONTHS like 6 months and thought oh I can control this I’ll just have a few on the weekends…here I am back at it struggling only on day 6…
Good luck to you!!!
very few things in life are Normal.
ask the fat guy
ask the anorexic
@Tukansam if you can have one drink and walk away then your a normal drinker. But if you can’t then you have a problem. But that’s just me I never could just have one drink and walk away drinking for me was to just get drunk. I’ve been sober for a long time and have seen a lot of binge drinkers leave and come back because they couldn’t have just one and walk away. Good Luck and good job on the 2 weeks.
This is my third time getting sober…first time was 6 months, the second time was 10 months and I’m now at 1 month. I’m a binge drinker. Each time, I reintroduced alcohol very slowly. Each time, I thought that I had kicked the habit and had myself under control and each time, I ended up binge drinking again. Not sure it’s ever changeable or fixable.
I have been asking the same question. I’m only 100 days sober. When I first started I just told myself I was taking a break. Maybe a month or two, maybe a year. Then I started thinking that I might have to give up for ever. My history of drinking was repetitive and damaging.
Like you I could go a week or two before drinking again but when I did drink the results were predictable. Now i’m just starting to wonder…why should I go back to drinking? What am I missing that I can’t do anyway? And all the things I do get to do that never happened when I was drinking!
I can’t say for sure what the future holds. But I find myself looking forward to it more than I have for years.
Good luck in what you choose to do. I hope it is right for you.
It took me many, many years to realize, the only way to be 100% sure that alcohol isn’t causing any problems, either to your health or your relationships or your psychology or anything, is just not to drink it. If you drink, maybe it will be fine and nice today. But in the long run, if you’ve ever had any kind of problem with it, the safest way to avoid an issue is just, avoid drinking.
A lot of this discussion has focused on binge drinking, and I wanted to contribute because I mostly didn’t binge drink, at least not much in recent years (since kids; I binge drank a LOT when I was younger). In recent years, I mostly, not always, managed to keep it down to a level that felt reasonable and was mostly (not always) hangover free. 2-3 (big) glasses of wine in the evening; very “normal”, very “civilized”. But: even at that supposedly normal level, I was definitely drinking more than the WHO recommended limit; I drank every night, if possible; and I was definitely addicted. I craved my glass of wine every night. I felt cranky when I couldn’t have it, or when I was trying not to have it. And some nights, I drank way more. I didn’t want anyone to think I had a problem, and I tried to deny it to myself too. But I did have a problem. Even for the periods when I was “only” having a couple of glasses, it still wasn’t OK. It affected everything, even things I thought were entirely separate, in my mood, my sense of self, my relationships. I can see htat now in ways I couldn’t before. Plus, my drinking would increase with stress, loneliness, any kind of trigger, and it took constant monitoring to keep any kind of check on it. I thought for years, I can make resolutions and be sure I’m not drinking too much. I would tell myself things at New Year like, this year I will only have 100 drinks all year, and always have at least 4 days a week with no drinking. I’d always be way over and give up at a humiliatingly early stage.
Now, at over a 100 days totally sober, I also have those thoughts sometimes. I think, I’ve recalibrated, I can let myself have an occasional glass of wine, no harm done. But then I tell myself: NO YOU DON’T. If I have one tonight, I’ll want 2 tomorrow, and I’ll be back to drinking every day again.
The only way to be sure you don’t have a problem with alcohol is, DON’T DRINK ALCOHOL.