Chronic relapser here. I’m a “confirmed catholic” but I’ve been an atheist for at least 15 years, about half my life. I’ve been trying on and off to get sober since July (officially). My life might not be as bad as many others out there, but I just feel like everything is always going wrong for me no matter how hard I try to better myself. I’ve been to therapy and felt that it helped but I really can’t afford it. I’ve had marital issues but my husband is now over a month sober from cigarettes and weed (a huge issue in our relationship but he’s really trying the best he can to be supportive) and it just seems like everything else is always going wrong. I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone or anything. I’m about ready to give up. But I’m so desperate Ive started to think maybe I should just start praying and hope that doing so will make things slowly get better. Is there really any point? I feel like I’m damaged and incapable of giving or receiving love. We’ve been going to church for a few weeks and while neither of us believes in god, I appreciate the message of kindness and have no issue letting my young children gain those morals that come with religion. What do I do? Do I start praying and hope this god I haven’t believed in for years saves me from myself and the world? I’m lost. Someone please help me find my way.
Check out the “sober without God” threads here. There is more than one way to get where you want to be.
I don’t know how to link to the thread, but you can find it if you search for “atheist.”
This thread will be one of those with some strong opinions so before it starts here is my 2 cents worth… I’ve been on both sides of the god coin and in my experience, pray if it helps and don’t if it doesn’t… A higher power will eventually find you if you need one. Until then just be kind to people, karma is real.
I’ve been on that thread and to an extent I agree. And I’ll keep looking. But I’m a t a point where I am desperate and don’t know where else to turn. I appreciate the reply though. Thank you. I’ll keep reading through.
This struggle is real and I feel for you. The spiritual thing took me a while to find. Non-church/organized religion person I am and grew up not attending anything. Not against, just grew up with my grandparents and it wasn’t their thing and I never asked them about it.
In AA I found that the people who came before me had a HP of their choosing. And my first sponsor was a heroin addict with 8 yrs sober. He said I can make my HP whatever and my 3rd step prayer meaningful to me alone. So I chose mine and it’s part of what makes me stable with my disease, people, things and this entire world. It gives me hope. Without hope why would I even try to stay sober?
Thank you. I’ve also done some recovery dharma meetings that I felt were more in tune with my beliefs. I’m just so torn about what is going on in my life right now. I just want to find some other way to deal with all the bullshit that life deals you. I don’t know what to do any more.
I am going to attend a meeting this week that I attended previously. Nothing against it they just kept referring to “getting on your knees” to pray and I’m so desperate. I have no higher power.
As far as a matter of Faith do you believe in the Diety of Jesus Christ and his Word? The answer to that really answers the Faith part of what you are asking.
As far as sobriety there is support available that involves Christianity and support that doesn’t. Remaining sober is the key part. People who trash a method of sobriety because it involves a faith component or not really just reveal their own personal weakness in sobriety in my opinion.
Personally Faith has played a large role in my nearly five years of sobriety.
Last time I got on my knees was when I was heaving the morning of going into rehab!
I probably could say my 3rd step prayer more often, but I do stay focused and remember daily my HP is making shit happen, not me.
Then this might be the turning point for you. This might be the very thing that God uses to help you reconcile your relationship with Him.
There is a saying " if you don’t know what to pray to pray to the back of your eye lids", pray for strength and acceptence. What you got to lose?
I don’t associate with any religion and yet I pray, it’s kept me sober this long and it turns out life is not my problem alone, I don’t need to have all the answers I just need to accept the journey and see where it takes me.
One of the best things you can do is exactly what you are doing, reaching out and talking to people. I wish you all the best 
Follow your heart and instinct. Do what feels right for you.
Got friend i knowing John since school hes a non believer he goes to meetings 34 years sober now . believing or not believing god wont get you sober only you can do that wish you well
My peers keep me sober. I find my peers right here, as well as in my work - I’m a nurse in a detox facility. I need my peers to learn from, to be inspired by, to exchange knowledge and hope with.
And secondly I work on my mental health, I work on the issues that made me feel the need to forget my troubles and hide from myself and the world for 40 years. Hide and forget in substance abuse. Now I’m sober I can no longer hide. I’m confronting my issues in therapy and in my daily life, in my relationships to others and to myself. One day at a time.
I never believed in a god, I wasn’t brought up that way and I encountered nothing in my life that made me believe otherwise. Becoming sober and clean didn’t change that. I believe we need to do it together. Us humans, as well as the whole living earth. We’re in it together. Wishing you all success.
It sounds like you are open to trying different things to help you on this journey. For me, it’s like having kids. You don’t know what on Earth you’re doing or how to stop them crying sometimes when they’re small so you try everything until SOMETHING works! Just keep trying anything you can until you find something that sticks for you. It could be something you’ve never tried before? Your mind needs something to keep focus and develop.
I don’t have the answer for you, but I do hear you feeling damaged and unworthy. Sometimes when I feel this way, I remember that we are all worthy and that we are in need of love and healing…not judgement and shame. We really do grow through connection and love…including self love. I know that our substance abuse issues can really tear us down physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. What I found within myself was the desperate need and lack of self love and self worth. Maybe the validation you seek, the strength you seek is truly inside you waiting to be uncovered? 
We are all worthy of love, kindness and support…no matter our past. Can you offer your self, your flawed human self, the same love, kindness and compassion you offer your children? Because you do truly deserve it, just as they do.
Howdy…here is a thread you might be interested in
I think nobody except you can help you with this. My religious way was bumpy. I was raised strictly catholic but started asking difficult questions early on.
In the end I do believe that something big is out there and everywhere around us.
We have to figure our life out on our own. I don’t believe that someone or something comes along and forgives you everything you’ve done wrong.
You have to do the work.
In the end do what helps you the most.
All the best for you
I’m not an atheist but rather an agnostic and I do pray. But I don’t think praying is about asking God to fix things for you but rather seeking the courage and strength to do what you need to do to heal yourself. In that way I look at praying as similar to mantras. It’s a way to burn the message into your brain so that when difficult situations come up you have that message on how to fight and resist right there without thinking. Even though my prayers use the name “God” it really is a prayer to me.
From a post of yours last July:
2 things that have helped me tremendously are:
- One day at a time. Reminding myself to take it day by day…
- Being active in recovery.
And today, you are taking a much more passive approach.
maybe I should just start praying and hope that doing so will make things slowly get better.
Which works better to keep you sober? Are you using the issue of belief or unbelief or different belief to excuse yourself from doing the work and making the changes needed to grow your sobriety?
I’m so desperate
That is the gift you just might need. Are you desperate enough to admit that you cannot get yourself out of this mess, you cannot think your way out, you cannot pray your way out, you cannot hope your way out? Desperate enough to go to a rehab and do exactly what they tell you to do? Enough to go to AA and do what they tell you? Even praying on your knees to a mystery?
For a long time, I tried to treat my alcoholism by getting other people to change, by changing my environment, by distracting myself with spiritualism and with personal psychological journeys. When I made my final surrender, it wasn’t surrender in the AA first step sense (powerless over alcohol, life unmanageable) so much as surrender to the idea of sobriety. Surrender as in stop fighting the idea of sobriety by trying to prove I could still drink and get away with it. I had to give up making my own decisions for a while and to just do what I was told to do by the powers stronger than me, namely the courts and the program of AA that had a proven track record of people staying sober.
It sucks to feel that desperate, I know. But it can also be the stepping off point on a journey to undreamed joys. Blessings on your house 
as you begin your journey.