we all have a moment while using when we look into the mirror and look in our eyes. What do your eyes look like? Are they good or are they evil? While using we adopt an evil look and an evil mentality. It is easy and comfortable to continue as such. A false life with which we feel a sense of accomplishment and/or power. The real path is one of humility and grace. This can also be seen in your eyes. The evil eye look is only while using. Do not trust this, never do not go with this. Christian addicts recognize this as the force of evil.
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I never felt evil, just disparaged and adrift. Sobriety isnt easy but its worth it.
I never felt evil just selfish and powerless at the same time… Maybe if I would have reverted back to my previous catholic thinking then I would have felt like evil taken over me, im not sure… And that’s why I chose not to be religious, I find it too punitive and somehow judgemental. Im just a person who had al lot of sh#t to deal with and at times utilised unhelpful coping strategies to do so.
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I respectfully disagree. I don’t believe any alcoholics feel a sense of accomplishment or power in their lives. That’s why we’re here - to take our power back and regain control of our lives so we CAN feel a sense of accomplishment - through sobriety.
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& so do I. I achieved a lot in my life and could possibly have achieved more were it not for the booze. The awaking was the realisation that I could live without drinking.
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I was definitely evil at times. For a long time I battled good and evil. When I was an alcoholic and on Meth I transformed. 65 days sober today.
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I didn’t feel accomplishment or power when I was drinking.
I do now.
But I won’t be smug about it, wiser people on this forum have relapsed after more days than I have, so the humility to know I could fuck up has to also be part of the equation.
And although I personally don’t think this is a forum for religion or politics, something I can’t comprehend has allowed me to get to 55 days, along with help from the great people on this forum, and a little bit of help from my own willpower!
I was never evil… But the demon inside my head is the one I battle all the time… The 1 that tells me to drink…